IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. With the improvements in today’s health care, society has to care for more and more elderly people. Do you feel that society will be able to cope with the increase in numbers of elderly people today and how can it be managed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #improvements #today’s #health #care #society #people #numbers
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Developments in healthcare
has
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have
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 increased
it's
Correct your spelling
its
show examples
 accessibility and availability to all
people
, regardless of characteristics
such
 as income or
age
. A discernible trend that has emerged, is the increase in the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of elderly
people
,
whom
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who
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 require special or extensive care. The rapid expansion of
this
age
 group may result in certain
dillemmas
Correct your spelling
dilemmas
dilemma
 in today's
society
. At
first
, it is likely that
people
 may be unwilling to spend significant amounts of time and money on caring for the elderly as they direct all efforts towards improving personal lives.
In addition
, the limited availability of vacancies in
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, specifically created for
such
 purposes will affect an individual's ability to shift the burden of caring for older
people
, with ease. The elderly are
also
 more vulnerable to diseases and prone to falling ill regularly.
Hence
, it's likely for considerable costs to be incurred by those caring for them.
Furthermore
, hospitals may become more crowded and busy as drastic increases in the average
age
 of the population could lead to a greater proportion of
people
 requiring medical services. Though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the consequences of an expansion of old
age
 groups do pose an issue for
society
, they can
also
 be overcome by implementing sustainable and large-scale solutions.
For example
, building more care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 for the elderly will allow
society
 to effectively
accomodate
Correct your spelling
accommodate
 the rise in the numbers of the elderly.
Moreover
, as
people
 become older, the chances of them leaving the job market voluntarily or
otherwise
also
 increase,
subsequently
 introducing the need for care. In order to prevent
such
 an issue, local governments could introduce training schemes that allow older employees to equip themselves with new skills
thus
, motivating them to remain employed and encouraging employers to continue working with older workers. Solutions
such
 as the above-mentioned may allow
society
 to cope with
increase
Add an article
the increase
an increase
show examples
 in the numbers of elderly
people
 in the long run.
Submitted by sundar.p on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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