many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay with the family. discuss both the view and give your own opinion.

#parents #people #home

It differs according to one culture to another whether it's better for young

people

to leave

Correct pronoun usage

their parents

show examples

parents

Change noun form

parents'

parent's

show examples

home

as soon as possible when they are getting older. In

this

short essay, I will discuss both

approach

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approaches

show examples

and express my own opinion that it is so important for young

people

to feel their

parents

' support in every

aspects

Change to a singular noun

aspect

show examples

can be given. Some

parents

prefer to encourage their

children

to leave

home

when they become older

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

that

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

they try to create necessary opportunities for them to gain their own money and live alone as an individual should do. These opportunities can be going to a foreign country to work as a

voluntier

Correct your spelling

volunteer

or working in a part-time job. Without any doubt,

these kind

Change the determiner

this kind

these kinds

show examples

of experiences develop many skills and prepare them

Change preposition

for

show examples

adulthood and professional life. Even though it might be quite

facinating

Correct your spelling

fascinating

for young

people

to get on their own food, leaving

home

ealier

Correct your spelling

earlier

before they are really ready to do may put a distance from their own

home

which cannot be established again. More importantly, they might lose

confident

Replace the word

confidence

show examples

Change preposition

show examples

themselves because of a simple mistake.

On the other hand

, some other

parents

want their

children

to stay closer to them and face possible difficulties of life can bring together. Generally speaking, they basically think that those mistakes that can be done by their

children

can be harmful in terms of mental health or financially.

Moreover

, keeping their

children

close to them as much as they can

may

Remove a modal verb

apply

show examples

create strong

relation

Replace the word

relationships

show examples

within the family, which is their main desire. Here, it is crucial not to

intervine

Correct your spelling

intervene

interview

young

Change preposition

in young

show examples

people

's individuality and prevent them from taking control

their

Change preposition

of their

show examples

own

Correct your spelling

lives

life

lifes

Correct your spelling

lives

show examples

. In my point of view, the most important thing is to enjoy and be

generious

Correct your spelling

generous

every

second

you share with your own

children

. I believe that it opens a

maginal

Correct your spelling

magical

marginal

opportunity to get to know each other and a family with a strong relationship can decide

such

a crucial turning-point together.

Submitted by topcu.bahar on Tue May 31 2022

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
22Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

330 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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many parents encourage young people to leave home when they become older, while others think they should stay with the family. discuss both the view and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

The internet has transformed the way information is shared and consumed, but it has also created problems that did not exist before. What are the most serious problems associated with the internet and what are the possible solutions?

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Some people say that the amount of noise that people make should be strictly controlled. Others say that people should be free to make as much noise as they wish. Write both view and your opinion