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Band 4.5

In some countries , the unemployment is high, therefore, some people think children should study only primary education and not secondary education as because they cannot find jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #unemployment #people #children #study #education #jobs #future
It is thought by some members of society that children should start seeking work as soon as they end up in primary school as there is a serious lack of workplaces in some regions and even many graduates who have a secondary education can not find a job. In my opinion, it is much better to continue studying after primary institution. First of all, at young ages, people are not sufficiently educated, so it is hard for them to find work they can cope with.
In other words
, there is a large number of restrictions on child labour
consequently
 youngsters can not accomplish hard work and
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be
announced
Verb problem
promoted
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 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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higher positioned
Add a hyphen
higher-positioned
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 jobs as they are still inexperienced.
For instance
, if there is a choice between a young person who possesses less knowledge and
the
Correct article usage
a
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 second candidate who has a secondary education, every reasonable manager will choose the individual with more knowledge.
As a result
, a large number of youngsters stay without a job
as well as
 without
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 education.
Moreover
, youngsters are mostly irresponsible and may refer to their
obligation
Fix the agreement mistake
obligations
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 insufficiently seriously. The people who just finished
primary
Correct pronoun usage
their primary
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 course are younger than fifteen years old,
while
 it is the age when human starts to fully realize what he is doing and be responsible for everything he does.
For example
, it can be observed even
from
Change preposition
in
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 children's rate of doing homework at school which is generally quite low. It results in many people being rejected by managers and remaining unemployed In conclusion, I believe that it is better to fully accomplish the school program before seeking a job. It significantly increases the chances
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
 employed because every director chooses a more acknowledged and responsible person.
Submitted by jaker.raimov on

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coherence coherence
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task response
Your essay responds to the prompt but needs to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points and further develop your ideas. Ensure that your response is complete and your ideas are clear and comprehensive. You have addressed the task, but more specific examples and ideas would strengthen your response.
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