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Band 4

An ageing population is affecting parts of the world

#population #parts #world
"
Population
 ageing is the 21st century's dominant demographic phenomenon”(Bloom & Luca, 2016,p.3-56) ,
People
 for a lifetime couldn'
t
 avoid death and ageing.According to the above ,
sentence
Add a comma
,sentence
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 we could know about human
beings
Change noun form
beings'
being's
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 life must
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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experience ageing progress and pass away.Nowadays,the world
population
 have been increasing too faster,
therefore
 the experts are worried about the effects
Change preposition
on society
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society
Change noun form
society's
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 medical resource and economic development.On the other ,hand we will discuss
this
effect
 and
causes
Correct pronoun usage
its causes
show examples
 (Légaré, 2015). The major cause of medical resources was serious insufficient to support elders.The
effect
 of hospitals and human resources burden couldn'
t
 continuous given to elder
people
 or
lived
Add the particle
tolived
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 be hospitalized patients not good in enough medical system,because of
population
 grow fast have been bringing struction variety of age group in the country.
Therefore
 affect financial must to high expenses and medical resource lacking. The
second
 reason is labour market shortage didn'
t
 have enough young
people
 to participate.The
effect
 of
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 developed or lead to corporation management difficulty couldn'
t
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 appropriate
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 (Lee, 2016).The labour market needs plenty of workers who form each
countries
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country's
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 participation career market,due to an ageing
population
 affect many
countries
 want to figure out a solution,
therefore
 developed
countries
 governments used appropriate
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 like immigration to
attractive
Replace the word
attract
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 foreigners to participate make
countries
 normally developed and advanced (Barrett, 2015). The
third
 reason is the retirement elder take
care
 issue.
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
The
effect
 of
care
Correct article usage
the care
show examples
 worker requirement problem it's not just only financial expenses but
also
need
Correct article usage
the need
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care
Change preposition
for care
show examples
 workers to support older.
therefore
,
therefore
 other
countries
 developed retirement communities to take
care
 of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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,which could make a convenient
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Correct article usage
the management
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management
Replace the word
manage
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elders
Change preposition
of elders
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 and offer comfort environment.
Such
 as offer nice facilities and 24-hour-a-day,bathing,feeding, laundry etc.The communities have paid a high expense it,but a part of
people
could'
Correct your spelling
couldn't
t
 enough money burden it,I think it will big problem with
current
Add an article
the current
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 society they
must
Correct your spelling
just
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 found the solution (Knapp & Somani, 2008).
Submitted by eeepcseries on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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