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Writing Samples
Band 4

An ageing population is affecting parts of the world

#population #parts #world
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"
Population
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 ageing is the 21st century's dominant demographic phenomenon”(Bloom & Luca, 2016,p.3-56) ,
People
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 for a lifetime couldn'
t
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 avoid death and ageing.According to the above ,
sentence
Add a comma
,sentence
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 we could know about human
beings
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beings'
being's
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 life must
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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experience ageing progress and pass away.Nowadays,the world
population
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 have been increasing too faster,
therefore
Linking Words
 the experts are worried about the effects
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on society
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society
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society's
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 medical resource and economic development.On the other ,hand we will discuss
this
Linking Words
effect
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 and
causes
Correct pronoun usage
its causes
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 (Légaré, 2015). The major cause of medical resources was serious insufficient to support elders.The
effect
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 of hospitals and human resources burden couldn'
t
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 continuous given to elder
people
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 or
lived
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tolived
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 be hospitalized patients not good in enough medical system,because of
population
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 grow fast have been bringing struction variety of age group in the country.
Therefore
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 affect financial must to high expenses and medical resource lacking. The
second
Linking Words
 reason is labour market shortage didn'
t
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 have enough young
people
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 to participate.The
effect
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 of
economy
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the economy
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 developed or lead to corporation management difficulty couldn'
t
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found
Wrong verb form
find
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 appropriate
employee
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employees
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 (Lee, 2016).The labour market needs plenty of workers who form each
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countries
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country's
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 participation career market,due to an ageing
population
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 affect many
countries
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 want to figure out a solution,
therefore
Linking Words
 developed
countries
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 governments used appropriate
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
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 like immigration to
attractive
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attract
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 foreigners to participate make
countries
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 normally developed and advanced (Barrett, 2015). The
third
Linking Words
 reason is the retirement elder take
care
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 issue.
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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The
effect
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 of
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care
Correct article usage
the care
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 worker requirement problem it's not just only financial expenses but
also
Linking Words
need
Correct article usage
the need
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Use synonyms
care
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for care
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 workers to support older.
therefore
Linking Words
,
therefore
Linking Words
 other
countries
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 developed retirement communities to take
care
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 of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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,which could make a convenient
to
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for
show examples
Correct article usage
the management
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management
Replace the word
manage
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elders
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of elders
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 and offer comfort environment.
Such
Linking Words
 as offer nice facilities and 24-hour-a-day,bathing,feeding, laundry etc.The communities have paid a high expense it,but a part of
people
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could'
Correct your spelling
couldn't
t
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 enough money burden it,I think it will big problem with
current
Add an article
the current
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 society they
must
Correct your spelling
just
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 found the solution (Knapp & Somani, 2008).
Submitted by eeepcseries on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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