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Band 3

Some people think that companies should provide employees with exercise time during the day. What is your opinion about this?

#people #companies #employees #exercise #time
I strongly believe that the working
time
 balance is important to improve
employees
' productivity. There were some cases of doing
work
 overwhelmingly, which
cause
Wrong verb form
caused
show examples
 many troubles for both companies and
employees
. The problems of
work
hours
 have led to several
time
 management ideas,
therefore
, the most effective idea is to provide exercise
time
 during the
day
. Doing
work
 overwhelmingly can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
losing
Verb problem
a loss
show examples
 of
employees
' productivity. To illustrate,
Mrs
.
Putin
 has been sitting in front of the office computer for 10
hours
 straight a
day
 to finish his
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
.
Thus
Mrs
. Z would
experiences
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
losing
Verb problem
a loss
show examples
 of motivation,
decreasing of
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 productivity,
chronic
Correct word choice
and chronic
show examples
eyes
Change the noun form
eye
show examples
 pain,
therefore
, the
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 will be done inefficiently despite
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 lot of
hours
 he
put
Wrong verb form
puts
show examples
 into his
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Vice versa,
Mrs
.
Putout
 is
also
 doing
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 for 10
hours
 a
day
.
However
, his
company
 provides
employees
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
 short
time
 break throughout the long office
hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
show examples
.
Mrs
.
Putout
 feels fine doing
work
 and
didn't
Wrong verb form
doesn't
show examples
 experience many problems like
Mrs
.
Putin
.
Consequently
,
Mrs
.
Putout
 can
keeps
Change the verb form
keep
show examples
 getting
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
done efficiently as compared to
Mrs
.
Putin
's
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. Obviously,
Mrs
.
Putout
's
company
 is a better place to
work
 than
Mrs
.
Putin
's
company
 despite both companies
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
having
exact
Add an article
the exact
show examples
 same amount of
work
hours
.
To sum up
, providing exercise
time
 during the
day
 can make the
company
 a better place to
work
. With better environmental conditions,
employees
 feel more relaxed and
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
able to keep their motivation, passion, and health remain high quality, not just quantity.
Submitted by natitornix on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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