IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe using modern technology (digital photographs, blogs) is the best way to record and remember important personal events. Others think the traditional method (making photo albums, writing diaries) is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A highly controversial issue in the contemporary world today relates to whether the present technology is adequate to store photos and videos or not. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, I am going to examine the stated question from both points of view and
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 explain why I believe that we are dwelling in the age of modernization and prevailing methods of recording suffice the demands in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 With, There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant is that undoubtedly storing the data in the online media empowers a person to instant access anytime and anywhere.
for instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Numerous storage apps are available presently folk
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer

It seems that the verb prefers does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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 to sign up for heavy storage
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as Dropbox and Google Drive to store their memories and personal data and they can access it whenever they want.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when only one follows a traditional system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 learning these attributes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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 dedication and perseverance.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as
Capitalize word
As

The word as should be capitalized in this context.

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 a result, it is apparent why many are in favour of the ancient method of recording their personal data. to cite an example, Despite the fruitful benefits of
technology
Add a comma
technology,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase Despite the fruitful benefits of technology. Consider adding a comma.

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 the risk of losing records is topnotch,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, printing photographs and albums is a secure way to lock down the memories.
to sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the aforementioned arguments, I would like to restate my position that the benefits of online storage for media and videos are indeed too great to ignore the burden of printing photos in the current age there is no need to practice the traditional ways.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the essay's purpose and the writer's opinion. Include a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant points but does not fully address both views and lacks specific examples to support the arguments. Ensure that the response fully addresses the task prompt and provides more specific examples to support the points made.
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