IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe using modern technology (digital photographs, blogs) is the best way to record and remember important personal events. Others think the traditional method (making photo albums, writing diaries) is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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A highly controversial issue in the contemporary world today relates to whether the present technology is adequate to store photos and videos or not. In
this
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 essay, I am going to examine the stated question from both points of view and
then
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 explain why I believe that we are dwelling in the age of modernization and prevailing methods of recording suffice the demands in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 With, There are a number of arguments in favour of my stance. The most preponderant is that undoubtedly storing the data in the online media empowers a person to instant access anytime and anywhere.
for instance
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, Numerous storage apps are available presently folk
prefers
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefer
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 to sign up for heavy storage
such
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 as Dropbox and Google Drive to store their memories and personal data and they can access it whenever they want.
In addition
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 to
this
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, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
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, Another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
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, when only one follows a traditional system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
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 learning these attributes
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 dedication and perseverance.
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as
Capitalize word
As
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 a result, it is apparent why many are in favour of the ancient method of recording their personal data. to cite an example, Despite the fruitful benefits of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 the risk of losing records is topnotch,
therefore
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, printing photographs and albums is a secure way to lock down the memories.
to sum up
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,
according to
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 the aforementioned arguments, I would like to restate my position that the benefits of online storage for media and videos are indeed too great to ignore the burden of printing photos in the current age there is no need to practice the traditional ways.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the essay's purpose and the writer's opinion. Include a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and restates the opinion.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant points but does not fully address both views and lacks specific examples to support the arguments. Ensure that the response fully addresses the task prompt and provides more specific examples to support the points made.
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