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Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to be successful in life is to get a university education. Others disagree and say this is no longer true. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #life #university #education
Having
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 is important
especially
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,especially
show examples
in
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apply
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nowadays. Some
people
 believe that the greatest way to succeed in life is to get a bachelor’s degree or above, whereas other
people
 think that it is not true anymore.
To begin
 with,
people
 now can gain knowledge from online learning platforms
such
 as Coursera, Udemy, and Linkedin Learning.
As a result
,
Correct article usage
the publics
show examples
publics
Fix the agreement mistake
public
show examples
 can boost and broaden their knowledge from courses provided by world well-known universities and companies online. After they finish courses, they can get certificates to prove their abilities which prepare them well
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the job market.
Moreover
, some
people
 may argue that skills taught by the
university
 seem not quite useful for employment.
For example
,
although
 history is meaningful to us, it is hard for a history major student to find a well-paid job in the reality.
On the other hand
, I believe that we still need to get
an
Change the article
a
show examples
university
education
 to succeed in the future for several reasons.
Students
 in the
university
 have
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 to participate in seminars which encourage
students
think
Add the particle
to think
show examples
 critically. They can debate
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 seminars and create more thought for the theory.
Furthermore
, I think that the
university
 is not the place for training
people
into
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in
show examples
 the job market. For me, it is a place for
students
 to build
creativities
Replace the word
creativity
show examples
 and
imaginations
Fix the agreement mistake
imagination
show examples
.
Also
, when interacting with classmates who are from different backgrounds,
students
 would become more open-minded.
For instance
, team works force
people
learn
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to learn
show examples
 how to work together and learn how to face conflicts which are quite useful for
works
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work
show examples
.
Finally
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international companies still conceive bachelor’s degrees as a prerequisite.
Therefore
, I think that a
university
education
 is a key to
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 successful in the future. In conclusion, while some
people
 think that
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
university
education
 is no longer important, I firmly agree that it is a key for
people
 who
eager
Add a missing verb
are eager
show examples
 to succeed in the future.
Submitted by vivian.88610 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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