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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that cultural traditions may be destroyed when they are used as money-making traditions aimed at tourists.Others, however,believe that it is the only way to save these traditions. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #traditions #tourists
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The development of the travel industry forces travel agents to utilize all of the resources to offer new experiences. There is some debate about whether or not commercializing cultural traditions is destroying them. From my perspective, both views have their justification. On the one hand, the expansion
in
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of
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 cultural
tourism
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 has several profound effects. The first negative impact is that uncontrolled mass
tourism
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 can damage cultural heritage sites.
For instance
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, the massive influx of tourists in the ancient town of Hoi An carved their names on rock art, which vandalized ancient monuments and caused irreparable damage.
Additionally
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, the growth of
tourism
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 has resulted in the deterioration of the environment and the demolishing of natural resources. A typical example is the construction of large hotels near Angkor Wat, which has affected the water table beneath the temples.
On the other hand
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, some argue that selling cultural tours is the one and only method to keep them from disappearing.
First,
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the increase in the number of visitors provides funds for restoration and protection efforts. Without sufficient financial support, Various attraction sites may fall into disrepair.
Hence
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, creating incentives helps local communities to support conservation. Another reason is that cultural values can be promoted through travel activities. Tourists can visit historical exhibits or talk to indigenous people to gain an in-depth understanding of the area's culture.
This
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 encourages the revival of traditions and restores heritage sites and monuments.
To sum up
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, it is unquestionable that developing
tourism
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 brings both merits and demerits. The government and the authorities should take careful consideration before making the decision to expand the
tourism
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 industry.
Submitted by anhyeuemvt142 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear thesis statement in your introduction to guide the reader more effectively through your essay.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence, try to provide clearer transitions between paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Consider expanding your conclusion with a stronger restatement of your position and a summary of your key points for a fuller response.
task achievement
You've discussed both views in a balanced way, showing an understanding of the task.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples that effectively support your points.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, making it easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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