Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's study. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the new era, we are all aware that most of the
childeren
Correct your spelling
children
have addicted to
play
Change the verb form
playing
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. Many parents complain
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that these
games
Use synonyms
have no
possitive
Correct your spelling
positive
impact on children's mental or physical development. I am in favour of
this
Linking Words
statement. In terms of growing
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
Use synonyms
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
as a kid, they have the ability to use
Use synonyms
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
very well than their parents. The
computer
Use synonyms
game industry is getting bigger and bigger depending on that high demand. We
all
Add a missing verb
are all
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
about most of the
games
Use synonyms
are not proper for children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we should educate them about screen
time
Use synonyms
and their choices. These
games
Use synonyms
affect our little ones' mental and physical
health
Use synonyms
in a bad way. They
also
Linking Words
spend their
time
Use synonyms
studying
instead
Linking Words
of playing
games
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the terms of their mental
health
Use synonyms
, If they spend more
time
Use synonyms
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
front of the
computer
Use synonyms
, it would be hard for them to distinguish what the reality is. They would assume that everything is virtual in real life as
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, long hours
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
in front of the
computer
Use synonyms
whereas
Correct word choice
while
show examples
playing
games
Use synonyms
, they will not be active enough for their age. It is important for their physical
health
Use synonyms
to stay active. They are young and their muscle and bones grow so fast
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
physical
health
Use synonyms
starts with being active physically.
However
Linking Words
, there are some
games
Use synonyms
that can teach some proper attitude and knowledge to children.
Therefore
Linking Words
we have to educate them about what they should pick and how much
time
Use synonyms
they spend on a
computer
Use synonyms
. At that point, we should be aware of their choices on
games
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are millions of
games
Use synonyms
on computers and as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsible
parents
Correct the article-noun agreement
parent
show examples
, we should observe the
time
Use synonyms
and pick the right
games
Use synonyms
for our little ones for their physical and mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by onayozge00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: