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Band 5

Ques: Both the poor and rich find the accessibility to university difficult. Do you agree or disagree?

#ques #accessibility #university
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of
people
 wish to continue their education
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
.
However
, they believe that either poor or
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
show examples
people
 face obstacles in pursuing higher studies. I disagree with the given statement because the discrepancy made a gap that wealthy
people
 have more access to go
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
university
. Continuing studies is a long journey, it is not something that happens in the blink of an eye. For wealthy
people
, it's easy to pay
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 help
study
Correct pronoun usage
them study
show examples
 and help them to get high
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
show examples
 during
school
.
As a result
, they tend to be ready for going to
university
. They
also
 have a lot of resources to get into the best high
school
 with excellent facilities which
then
 supports them to achieve their targeted campus.
For instance
, libraries, health
school
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
, and nutritious canteen. Wealthy
people
's time is used to focus on
university's
Change noun form
university
show examples
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
show examples
 yet poor
people
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 their time to earn money so they can afford their daily meals and able to access
school
.
Besides
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor
Add an article
the poor
show examples
people
 live in a less supportive environment
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 prioritize money rather than education.
As a result
, it can reduce their motivation and acceptance rate.
However
, both poor and rich
people
 should keep their encouragement so they will stay consistent to run in track. Even if wealthy
people
 have a bunch of
resource
Change to a plural noun
resources
show examples
, it will trick them by fogging their desire since they have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
enjoyed their poverty condition.
Otherwise
, poor
people
 still get a chance to get into the
university
 by
applying
Add the preposition
forapplying
show examples
 scholarships. To conclude, it will be more accessible for rich
people
 to continue their education due to the resources they had,
such
 as paying
Change preposition
for tutor
show examples
tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
show examples
 and getting into the best high
school
 which is impossible for the poorer.
Submitted by vmuflihahf on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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