In some countries, fast food restaurants and supermarkets give money to schools to promote their products .Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

School plays an important role in
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life ,It helps them grow physically and mentally ,but nowadays these
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
started promoting fast
food
because they are funded by
Add an article
the supermarket
a supermarket
show examples
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
and
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
fast-food
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
,
this
blind follow leads them toward blind well it affects their health , academic performance
decrease
Firstly
, it affects the health of
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
. Most of the
scholare
Correct your spelling
scholars
scholar
are dependent on their elders for their growth , even they are immature to make a section from
bunz
Change the capitalization
Bunz
show examples
of choices for
food
by promoting
non nutritious
Add a hyphen
non-nutritious
show examples
food
their immunity power will
decrease
and they suffer from various diseases
In addition
to
this
,
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
of healthy
food
will
decrease
when
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
body
start
Correct subject-verb agreement
starts
show examples
promoting quick foods for their greediness of money , students will think that these foods are good for their health
This
trend not only affects
performance
Add an article
the performance
show examples
of scholars ,
notion
Add an article
the notion
show examples
will
also
pay for it , due to more and more youngsters
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
unhealthy
food
their academic performance will become poor , a survey was conducted by state bodies in order to examine the cause of bad academic results the reason was that consumption of fast
food
decrease
their scores because these foods wouldn't contain any
nutrion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
due to lack of
nutrion
Correct your spelling
nutrition
their memory power is decreased At
last
Add a comma
,last
show examples
I conclude that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
these steps will push younger
genaration
Correct your spelling
generation
toward
unknowing
Add an article
the unknowing
an unknowing
show examples
path,
becase
Correct your spelling
because
they even don't know that they are propelled toward wrong path their future
wil
Correct your spelling
will
be insane
Submitted by stenisidhu.003 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: