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Band 5

Some people think that activities during the free-time should be planned while others disagree. Discuss both sides and include examples and relevant data from your own experience.

#people #activities #free-time #data
The free
Correct article usage
Free
show examples
time
 is an amount of
time
 that
people
spends
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 themselves doing
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many different things
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of work .
Therefore
 , some
people
 suppose that
activities
 are the best way to be applied in their free
time
 .
However
 ,
orthers
Correct your spelling
others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 approve of
such
 a suggestion . Both of them will be illustrated.
A leisure
Remove the article
Leisure
show examples
 is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
enyoyed
Correct your spelling
enjoyed
time
 that
people
wishes
Correct subject-verb agreement
wish
show examples
 to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their private on doing many
inclination
Change to a plural noun
inclinations
show examples
 after
stressed
Add a missing verb
being stressed
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 work .
A leisure
Remove the article
Leisure
show examples
 is a useful
time
 that using for
activities
such
 as
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
,
playing
Correct word choice
and playing
show examples
 games , all of which will potentially
distributes
Change the verb form
distribute
show examples
 to
skillful
Change the spelling
skilful
show examples
 development .
For example
 , almost employers are choosing on playing sport after a whole day
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work . At least , these
activities
 are good for physical health .
Furthermore
 , it helps employer
is
Correct pronoun usage
who is
show examples
 depressed a lot . Once
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
research in University of technology and
edcucation
Correct your spelling
education
 that the humans usually meets
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
high stress because they must cope with mass solution of
document
Add an article
the document
a document
show examples
 . But after they played football or other sports. An amount of stressful substance is promptly down to 90
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
This
 evidence proves that
people
 should use their
time
 on learning
physical
Change preposition
about physical
show examples
 health.
On the other hand
 , some
people
 argue that should be not applied during
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
 . In my view, there will not be existed many potential
risk
Change to a plural noun
risks
show examples
 as it involving on mental . Hating or satisfying is not
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasonable
Replace the word
reasons
show examples
. In conclusion ,
activities
 makes a key role in our life as our promotion . It helps a lot in intense reduction. Whereby ,
people
 gradually enjoy their living optimistically . I totally agree with
this
 statement
Submitted by khoinguyen112003 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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