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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?

#say #music #art #drama #school #subjects #level
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It is thought by some that the importance of music,
art
Use synonyms
 and drama is just as same as other
subjects
Use synonyms
 for
elementary
Add an article
an elementary
the elementary
show examples
 school
in particular
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay totally agrees with the statement because these
subjects
Use synonyms
 build children's confidence as well as they are enjoyable to learn. Learning music,
art
Use synonyms
 and drama accelerate children's personality development and
thus
Linking Words
 build a
confidant
Replace the word
confident
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 child.
Students
Change noun form
Students'
Student's
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 engagement in these
subjects
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 encourages them to communicate freely, make dissections and participate actively with peers
consequently
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this
Linking Words
grow
Correct subject-verb agreement
grows
show examples
 a self-assured child. So that skill is important for students' future.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 ten years, the Cambridge statistics data showed that pupils who have
art
Use synonyms
 in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 curriculum
beside
Change preposition
besides
show examples
 other
subjects
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 improved
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 personality by being more introverted compared to schools with more serious
subjects
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. Another reason
shows
Correct pronoun usage
that shows
show examples
 the importance of engaging
these
Change preposition
in these
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 is the fact that they
are consider
Change the verb form
are considered
show examples
as
Change preposition
apply
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an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
enjoyable learning. Many students find it boring to just learn serious
subjects
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 like science, math and languages. It is better to have a balance in
student
Correct article usage
the student
show examples
 curriculum with some
entertaining
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entertainment
show examples
.
Modern
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The modern
show examples
 education system in Saudi Arabia,
for instance
Linking Words
, insert these entertaining
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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at
Change preposition
in
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 primary school. In conclusion, primary school
subjects
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as music,
art
Use synonyms
 and drama should be seen as
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 crucial as other learning programs in
curriculum
Correct article usage
the curriculum
show examples
 because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 help in developing a self-assured child and
Submitted by ph.dina on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic development
  • fostering
  • emotional intelligence
  • problem-solving skills
  • cultural awareness
  • curriculum
  • engaging
  • memorable
  • nurture
  • talents
  • core subjects
  • academic
  • professional success
What to do next:
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