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Band 4

Some people like to try new things, for example, places to visit and types of food. Other people prefer to keep doing things they are familiar with

#people #places #visit #food
There are different types of people in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. Some truly prefer to explore and try new
things
 in
life
, some are content with the diversity they have. People tend to stick to their traditions and close themselves to new opportunities while others
loose
Replace the word
lose
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 connections to their traditions and just want new
things
 in
life
. In my opinion, both should be applicable where there should
also
 be room for new
things
. In the following
parts
Add a comma
,parts
show examples
 you will find two paragraphs explaining the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 two different types of preferences. Tradition determines character and character determines a person’s standing in
a
Remove the article
apply
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society. A simple
food
 choice or location to live
can
Change preposition
in can
show examples
 appease or stress a person if they are outside of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 comfort zone. We grow up with the
food
 of our elders and live in a familiar environment throughout our childhood and as a
consequence
Add a comma
,consequence
show examples
 we get used to the stimulus of these environmental conditions. They become part of us and to be happy or to feel connected we need those elements in our
life
. Exploring new
things
 enables a better view of what we already have and, in some cases, lets us
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
value our traditions even more. Development and advancement, one or both of them are
hard wired
Add a hyphen
hard-wired
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 in either religion or evolution. Becoming better with each generation is actually very important for human civilization. Visiting new countries and experiencing different
food
 or
culture
 can help someone to value their own
food
 or
culture
 more. The more common way around is,
experiencing
Correct word choice
that experiencing
show examples
 a new
culture
 can help
assimilating
Wrong verb form
assimilate
show examples
 the positive side of the new and improve the old. In conclusion, both ways are required to keep a healthy society intact. Traditional
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is required to keep the
culture
 stable and consistent. Improvement is
also
 required as all
life
 tries to thrive and improve. With new information and
stimulus
Add a comma
,stimulus
show examples
life
 can develop the
culture
 or even in some cases correct the wrong ways. Tradition is important to base our development and new
things
 are required to enrich
this
 tradition and develop it even more.
Submitted by kademblack on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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