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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Is it good for children to start using computers from an early age and spend long hours on them? Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#children #computers #age #hours
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In recent years, many people
use
Use synonyms
 a
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 daily life. It is a mandatory tool to get information, book a ticket, food services and additional services in
this
Linking Words
 technological era. Secondary school teach the
children
Use synonyms
 how to
use
Use synonyms
 a
computer
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their daily lessons within an approved education
programm
Correct your spelling
programme
program
 and system. It is based on
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 capability, concentration and thinking speed. But
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
in this
show examples
 modern world, many
children
Use synonyms
use
Use synonyms
 computers for games and electrical devices longer than their
expectation
Replace the word
expect
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 spend 2 hours at the school for learning
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 continue to play games on
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 and
electical
Correct your spelling
electrical
 devices
Correct your spelling
about
abour
Change preposition
for abour
show examples
 4 to 5 hours. The
children
Use synonyms
 stay
half
Add a hyphen
half-day
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 on
computer
Use synonyms
descktop
Correct your spelling
desktop
. The advantage is to learn quickly how to
use
Use synonyms
 it,
keep
Correct word choice
and keep
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 steps on technology.
However
Linking Words
, the physical activity time is going down and only
sit
Wrong verb form
sitting
show examples
 or
lay
Wrong verb form
lying
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
bed
Add an article
the bed
show examples
 for half
day
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every
day
Use synonyms
 to play games and
use
Use synonyms
 social
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
medias
Correct your spelling
media
show examples
. But the child growing
is rely
Change the verb form
relies
show examples
 on their physical activity and demand of
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
 naturally. So, there have some disadvantages
such
Linking Words
 as
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 daily physical activity, running, climbing, bicycling and it is affected to own body growth to get taller, speed and more flexibility motions and
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to get energy consumption.
For example
Linking Words
, World Health Organization recommends that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult have to walk at least 5000 steps
every
Replace the word
everyday
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 life.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
children
Use synonyms
 definitely need to walk more steps than the adult because there are growing fast and future of our
next
Linking Words
 generation. They have to be more powerful, productive,
strong
Correct word choice
and strong
show examples
 compared to us
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
physically and mentally.
Sum
Fix the infinitive
To sum
show examples
 up, the child
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to learn technology adapted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their living stages and spend
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appropriate time on
computer
Use synonyms
 usage beside
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fit and healthy
lifestyles
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyle
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I recommend
to keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
 a balance
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
computer
Use synonyms
 and technology usage and
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more time
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
outside
Add an article
the outside
show examples
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
show examples
.
Submitted by onon550 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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