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Band 4.5

In the past, people used to travel to see the differences from their home country. However, the sceneries in places around the world seem similar nowadays. What are the causes of these similarities? Do you think that the advantages of these similarities outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #travel #differences #home #country #sceneries #places #world #similarities
It is noticeable that globalization enables populaces to influence each other across the region,
as a result
, causing the uniqueness of tourist attractions in some
countries
 invisible. As a matter of fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are advantages,
however
, I believe that the disadvantages are more significant. On one side of the argument, there are positive impacts on boosting domestic economies and convenience. To elaborate,
instead
 of citizens paying a higher cost for travelling to foreign
countries
, they will opt to support their
country
's business.
For instance
, in Thailand, there are restaurants in some provinces that
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
decorated
Wrong verb form
decorate
show examples
 and
designed
Wrong verb form
design
show examples
 their store like the building in Japan since
Thais
Replace the word
Thai
show examples
 people prefer to travel there all year round.
Subsequently
, the
country
 will earn a higher Gross Domestic income. Notably, travelling abroad is time-consuming, we must plan ahead and sometimes workers
they had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 to leave work for many days. And for these reasons, businesses will keep building their places like other cities.
On the other hand
,
countries
 will lose their identities and gain less inspiration in their lives. Generally speaking, tourist attractions are significant places to show cultures, which can encourage and attract foreigners to travel to their
country
.
Besides
, cultures reflect to identify each person's origin.
For instance
, in Korea, they have the Korean
wave
Capitalize word
Wave
show examples
 which has been known for the popularity of Korean series and K-pop.
Thus
, if other Asian
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 could 100% imitate their cultures, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 no
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
 that we must
keep
Verb problem
apply
show examples
continue to support Korea.
Additionally
, we will produce ineffective
works
 because we have gotten less inspiration. Essentially, humans tend to get ideas from a great model to perform better in their own
works
, so
this
 can be clearly seen in artistic
works
. They usually go across the globe to visit art galleries and get some ideas to adapt to their
works
.
Therefore
, similarity will be detrimental to both individual aspects and entire
countries
. Despite the unity of global tourist attractions
has
Verb problem
being
show examples
 beneficial to a
country
 in the economic aspect, some drawbacks are more worth giving attention to.
Submitted by chdreamzase on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks a clear thesis statement and a proper overview of the main points to be discussed in the essay. Additionally, the conclusion is abrupt and does not provide a comprehensive summary of the points made in the essay. It is important to clearly introduce the topic and provide a well-structured conclusion to the essay.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task by discussing both the causes of the similarities in tourist attractions and presenting a view on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. However, the response would benefit from a more direct and focused approach to the task, as well as a more balanced consideration of both sides of the argument. Ensure that the essay clearly addresses all aspects of the task and provides a well-rounded view on the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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