IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some believed that in many countries, the investment of public money in atrs can be justified. Others think that the government should spend more on health nada education. Discuss both views and gives your opinion.

#countries #investment #money #atrs #government #health #nada #education
It is often believed by
soms
Correct your spelling
some
 that in maximum nations, the law enforcement agency should utilize money on skill because it propels towards
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
fascintae
Correct your spelling
fascinate
fascinated
.
However
, others are of
notion
Add an article
the notion
show examples
 that the
Correct your spelling
lawmaker
show examples
law maker
Correct your spelling
lawmaker
show examples
 must
be use
Change the verb form
use
show examples
 the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 income to improve hospital facilities as well as,
Correct article usage
the academy
show examples
academy
Fix the agreement mistake
academies
show examples
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it provides
humans
Fix the agreement mistake
human
show examples
 to be a healthy and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
children
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
an opportunities to obtain
a knowledge
Remove the article
knowledge
a piece of knowledge
show examples
.
First
 of all, I believe that if tax will spend
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 craft sectors youngsters have a
chanced
Wrong verb form
chance
show examples
 to gain experience in their own area, where pupils are spirited.
For instance
, in India one youth
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
gripping
Wrong verb form
gripped
show examples
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 painting.
Although
, his parent is not capable to pay
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
hi
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
 tuition fees Suddenly, the boy knows about
Correct article usage
the
show examples
institute which is funded by
administration
Correct article usage
the administration
show examples
 the scholar went there, and take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
admission.
Consequently
, after a few
months
Add a comma
,months
show examples
 the student
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 a well-known painter.
In addition
, in my
view
Add a comma
,view
show examples
 it is excellent to pay attention
towards
Change preposition
to
show examples
 well being and in the study location. As
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
nowdays
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 almost every
teenagers
Change to a singular noun
teenager
show examples
 admire
to obtain
Change the verb form
obtaining
show examples
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 which
assist
Change the verb form
assists
show examples
 in their life to be a success and achieve their aims.
Moreover
, it
also
 aids to boost
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the territory by giving
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
 tools and instruments to the person.
Besides
,
authority
Add an article
the authority
show examples
 must focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 area because
,
Change preposition
of, dearth
show examples
dearth
Correct article usage
the dearth
show examples
 of
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 few
humma
Correct your spelling
human
 beings have Lost their life
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
,
Correct word choice
whereas individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 want to be
a live
Correct your spelling
alive
show examples
.
Also
, it is crucial to have
a proper arrangements
Correct the article-noun agreement
proper arrangements
a proper arrangement
show examples
 of Medicine whose Price would be affordable for every economically
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
 folk.
For example
, America is listed in number rank comparatively with
entire
Add an article
the entire
show examples
 world the main reasons behind is that.
This
 State
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 focused more on education facilities and public health. In conclusion, while it is significant to utilize income on the art. I considered that it is pivotal to have
a outstanding facilities
Correct the article-noun agreement
outstanding facilities
an outstanding facility
show examples
 related to school and fitness.
Hence
, it leads to
grow
Change the verb form
growing
show examples
 the country.
Submitted by bkarn5422 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: