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Band 6.5

Some people argue that it is better for teenagers to gain work experience and learn to be more discipline through doing part-time jobs, while others believe, rather than work part-time, teenagers should take a rest adequately and do some extra-curricular activities after back from school.

#people #teenagers #gain #work #discipline #jobs #rest #activities #school
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Some people argue that it is better for
teenagers
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 to gain
work
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 experience and learn to be more discipline through doing part-
time
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 jobs, while others believe, rather than
work
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 part-
time
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,
teenagers
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 should take a rest adequately and do some extra-curricular
activities
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 after back from
school
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in
favor
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favour
show examples
 of the latter. On the one hand, taking a part-
time
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job
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 after returning from
school
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 can make juveniles acquire knowledge of how to
work
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 and make a living. That means
this
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 experience is something that can be obtained in a
school
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. If they do the half-
time
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job
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, they can learn the struggle of making money,
thus
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 they will more value the money and spend money wisely.
Moreover
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, working after
school
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 can make youth manage their
time
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 more effectively since they have other duties
besides
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 studying.
In other words
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, they will use
time
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 efficiently and not waste
time
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 doing useless things, like scrolling on social media.
On the other hand
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, students should take
time
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 off to relax their minds after studying at
school
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.
This
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 way, studying at
school
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 and doing assignments require lots of
time
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, mind, and energy that might lead to exhaustion.
Therefore
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, it is suggested to adolescents to take proper rest after going back from
school
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.
In addition
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, adolescents need to take participate in various
activities
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 held by their
school
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,
hence
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 they can create beautiful memories with their friends and learn how to
work
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 in a team. Obviously, these things can not be done if they have a
job
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 to do after
school
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. In my opinion, doing a part-
time
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job
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 indeed can bring some benefits to
teenagers
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 but making wonderful
school
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 memories by getting involved in numerous after-
school
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activities
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 is way more important as we can not turn back the
time
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. In conclusion, taking a half-part
time
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job
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 could affect
teenagers
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 positively.
However
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, I believe taking a break and being active in different
activities
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 can give more benefits to them as a teenager.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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