IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the development of social media , more and more youngsters are being allowed unsupervised access to the internet in order to meet and chat with friends which can lead to potentially dangerous situations . What solutions can you suggest to deal with this problem ?

#development #media #youngsters #access #internet #chat #friends #situations
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Due to the development of social media,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 number of youngsters
are
Change the verb form
is
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 able to use the internet to interact with their friends online without
supervised
Replace the word
supervision
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.
This
Linking Words
 situation may cause some dangerous things. About
this
Linking Words
, I propose some suggestions to
prevent
Correct pronoun usage
itprevent
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. The result of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 problems is that
children
Use synonyms
 may become victims of criminal activities
,
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apply
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 because young people are really innocent, they may be
mislead
Wrong verb form
misled
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 and utilized by some criminals, and
then
Linking Words
 they may do some things that they don’t understand and participate in some dangerous things,
such
Linking Words
 as illegal sexual activity, drugs and violence. In
this
Linking Words
 process,
children
Use synonyms
 may be threatened and intimidated,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will cause
harms
Fix the agreement mistake
harm
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 to their physical and mental health. So, some measures are needed to prevent
this
Linking Words
 problem,
First
Linking Words
, parents should increase their
vigilant
Replace the word
vigilance
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 about their
children
Use synonyms
's online communicative activities. They can limit the websites and the time that
children
Use synonyms
 can surf. Parents
also
Linking Words
 can encourage
children
Use synonyms
 to go out and do
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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activities outdoor that
children
Use synonyms
 are interested
.
Change preposition
in.
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 Not only they can make friends in real life but
also
Linking Words
 reduces the time that they spend
on
Change preposition
apply
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chatting and meeting online. And it will bring some benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
’s physical health.
Then
Linking Words
, because
children
Use synonyms
 have less experience and lack awareness of social security on
Add an article
the network
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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, the government and schools can often hold
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
lectures and knowledge contests about social security on
Add an article
the network
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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, and they can invite students to participate, and the winners can gain rewards. In
this
Linking Words
 process, the
children
Use synonyms
 not only can receive rewards, but
also
Linking Words
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can gain some knowledge of social safety online.
Finally
Linking Words
, social networking sites should
should
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
be stratified by age and divide the community. And the identity information of users is strictly checked and certified to prevent criminals that can enter platforms. And it will make the network environment
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
cleaner. In conclusion, if
social
Replace the word
society
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pay
Correct subject-verb agreement
pays
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 more attention
on
Change the preposition
to
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children
Use synonyms
 using social networks, I
Correct your spelling
believe
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belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 these suggestions can reduce the online crimes happening.
Submitted by dingdina0 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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