The increase in the amount of traffic is responsible for growing countries in many large cities and this has resulted in more traffic congestion particularly in rush hours. What changes could be taken to deal with this could be taken to

Nowadays,there are many cars in every area
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
the city.Rising traffic
congestion
in big
cities
is higher than past it can cause car
congestion
during rush hours. The following paragraphs will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
discuss
this
problem
and recommend some
practical
Replace the word
practices
show examples
that could be taken to tackle
this
issue. It is apparent that the car
congestion
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
rush hours is one of the most significant problems in many big
cities
.
This
problem
is causes the population has grown rapidly in big
cities
around the world Many
people
need to move to urban
cities
for a better life and find more opportunities
such
as a job where they can gain various experiences to improve themselves to be better and make more money. ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
the
people
in
cities
have their own car for convenient functions they do not need to take
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
public transportation because it is so harmful,dirty,not enough time schedule to use
this
is the
problem
that needs to be
tackle
Wrong verb form
tackled
show examples
.
However
, to solve
this
issue there are several things that the government could do.
Firstly
,the authorities should encourage citizens to use public transport
instead
of using their own cars by advertising the benefits of using public transportation or doing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
campaign that persuades the crown to reduce using their own cars in rush hours.
Secondly
, the government should improve public transportation by providing convenient , safe and clean facilities.
Finally
, the authorities should move some business areas outside the city so that
people
can move to these areas to decline the density of the population. To sum up , traffic
congestion
may cause a dramatic rise in population the
cities
to tackle the
problem
the authorities should provide an advantage policy that makes
people
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a convenient life.
Submitted by chachawrch on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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