IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people strive to maintain successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this cause? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time
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A large number of people find it difficult to have at the same
time
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 a profitable career and a happy family
due to
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 the lack of
time
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. Actually, having a successful career
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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workers
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 to spend the majority of their
time
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 in the workplace and
as a consequence
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, it is easy for the family to feel obscured.
Workers
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 with successful careers have to choose if spend more
time
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 with families, denying to do more hours at
work
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 or
on the contrary
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 they can
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 to spend more at
work
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 obscuring their family.
This
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 is a common issue that regards successful
workers
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 and that sometimes leads
workers
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 to make choices which can compromise the relationship with the family. Actually, if a worker spends more
time
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 at
work
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, the children could feel less monitored and they could grow up without the right education. One solution to solve
this
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 problem could
arrive
Verb problem
come
show examples
 from the authorities. The government should make a suitable law to enforce a maximum number of hours where people can
work
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. From my perspective, in
this
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 way
workers
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 can spend less
time
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 at
work
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, giving the right support to the family.
In addition
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, there are advantages
also
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 from a healthy point of view because
workers
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 could be less stressed having more
time
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 to relax.
To sum up
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, many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy families at the same
time
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, it happens because both family and
work
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 need to have more attention. To solve
this
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 issue the government could be helpful by making suitable laws that make
workers
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 able to spend more
time
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 with their families.
Submitted by giovanni.campanalegg on

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task response
Ensure that the arguments are directly related to the prompt and cover all aspects of the issue
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is logically organized and follows a clear structure with well-connected ideas
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical items
grammatical range
Work on sentence structures, use a wider variety of grammatical constructions

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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