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Band 5

Many people strive to maintain successful career and happy family life at the same time. What problems can this cause? What are the possible solutions?

#people #career #life #time
A large number of people find it difficult to have at the same
time
 a profitable career and a happy family
due to
 the lack of
time
. Actually, having a successful career
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
workers
 to spend the majority of their
time
 in the workplace and
as a consequence
, it is easy for the family to feel obscured.
Workers
 with successful careers have to choose if spend more
time
 with families, denying to do more hours at
work
 or
on the contrary
 they can
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 to spend more at
work
 obscuring their family.
This
 is a common issue that regards successful
workers
 and that sometimes leads
workers
 to make choices which can compromise the relationship with the family. Actually, if a worker spends more
time
 at
work
, the children could feel less monitored and they could grow up without the right education. One solution to solve
this
 problem could
arrive
Verb problem
come
show examples
 from the authorities. The government should make a suitable law to enforce a maximum number of hours where people can
work
. From my perspective, in
this
 way
workers
 can spend less
time
 at
work
, giving the right support to the family.
In addition
, there are advantages
also
 from a healthy point of view because
workers
 could be less stressed having more
time
 to relax.
To sum up
, many people strive to maintain a successful career and happy families at the same
time
, it happens because both family and
work
 need to have more attention. To solve
this
 issue the government could be helpful by making suitable laws that make
workers
 able to spend more
time
 with their families.
Submitted by giovanni.campanalegg on

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task response
Ensure that the arguments are directly related to the prompt and cover all aspects of the issue
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay is logically organized and follows a clear structure with well-connected ideas
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical items
grammatical range
Work on sentence structures, use a wider variety of grammatical constructions

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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