IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Companies spend millions each year on advertising online, in magazines and on billboards. These adverts can encourage people to buy goods that they do not really need. What are the positive and negative effects of consumerism?

#companies #millions #year #magazines #billboards #adverts #people #goods #effects #consumerism
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the contemporary epoch, there is irrefutable debate among folk about online adverts which gravitate towards the product
In contrast
 to the past. In
this
 essay, I am going to examine the stated question and elucidate on numerous motives and
then
 explain why I believe that it is a positive initiative in the modern age that empowers and attracts customers in the forthcoming paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the first notion, there are bountiful
rationals
Correct your spelling
rationales
show examples
 for online commercials. The most preponderant is that evidently, advertisement has physicological effects on the
mind
Fix the agreement mistake
minds
show examples
 of people, and commercials are designed to boost the revenue for the company through robust marketing campaigns.
for instance
, The success and failure of a product are mainly reliant on marketing, and in order to conquer the items companies spend millions of dollars to capture the market.
In addition
 to
this
, there are numerous other benefits in various fields. Thanks to the wide range of advantages it offers, not only does one benefit more when it comes to being effective, but they can enhance productivity and quality of their lives, with much ease, efficacy, and convenience. Needless to say, all these merits stand out in good stead, as far as augmenting the chances of prosperity and excellence is concerned.
On the other hand
, another pivotal factor in the aforementioned proposition is that it is only likely to help one thrive and excel in varied areas.
Besides
, when only one follows
such
 a system, can they broaden their horizons,
hence
 learning these attributes as dedication and perseverance.
As a result
, it is apparent why myriad petitions that in a positive direction. to cite an example,
According to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a global report indicated that owing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology and E-Commerce business sales led to another level which was not the case in the past and present people prefer to do online shopping after watching adverts. In
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 nutshell,
according to
 the
forenamed
Correct word choice
aforementioned
show examples
 quarrels, I would like to restate my perspective that the fruitful vantages of media advertisements are indeed too terrific to neglect the traditional complex way of sales in the modern era. Hereby it is a positive tendency
Submitted by Shabanraza489 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay addresses the topic and provides relevant examples, but the structure could be improved for better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the essay lacks a clear and well-organized structure that hinders its coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: