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Writing Samples
Band 5

People nowadays tend to take their family to another country when they work abroad. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages ?

#people #country #work
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Growing
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A growing
The growing
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 number of
people
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 in
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the country
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country
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countries
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 concerned
towards
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about
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 their education and career immigrate
to
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apply
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abroad
for
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in
show examples
search
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the search
a search
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 of
better
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a better
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 life. As
people
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 settle, they prefer to take their family with them due to various reasons. The forthcoming paragraph
examin
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examine
the
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its
show examples
 merits and demerits of it. On the
one
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 hand, once
individual
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an individual
the individual
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 is settled in another
country
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 and their earnings can afford the living cost of their family, they take them with
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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. Without a doubt, nothing is
important
Correct quantifier usage
more important
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 in
this
Linking Words
 world than loved
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one's
Change the noun form
ones
one
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. Taking care of their basic need becomes the
first
Linking Words
 priority. From my personal experience, staying away from them makes life more difficult than anyone could ever imagine.
Additionally
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, emotional support
people
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 get from their close
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one's
Change noun form
ones
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 plays
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
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 role in
growth
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the growth
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 of any individual. Most importantly the
availabilty
Correct your spelling
availability
 becomes easy for elder
people
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 in case of
medical
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a medical
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 emergency.
On the other hand
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,
such
Linking Words
 immigrations cost a lot to
economy
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the economy
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 of
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country
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the country
a country
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. To illustrate, most
of
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apply
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the
people
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 when
move
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moving
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 from
one
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 location to another location they plan to stay there for
lifetime
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a lifetime
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 and their generations as well.
As a result
Linking Words
,
probability
Correct article usage
the probability
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 of losing the best
talant
Correct your spelling
talent
 becomes high.
For instance
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,
greatest
Correct article usage
the greatest
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talent
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talents
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 like Sundar Pichai and Sataya
Nandela
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Mandela
, both are from India,
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 for United State as a CEO of big companies. If they would have worked for Indian companies, India would have made a huge dent on the global level. In conclusion,
Use synonyms
country
Add an article
the country
a country
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 should create numerous opportunities so that the
Correct your spelling
mindset
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mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 about moving abroad could change.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
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 disadvantages would always be bigger than
advanatges
Correct your spelling
advantages
.
Submitted by sandeep.p1296 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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