IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #money #sport #art #school #sports #events #communities
Sport
 and
art
 are important activities that make
people
 healthier. It is not only a healthy body but a healthy mind too. I believe that the government should encourage the promotion of professional
sport
 and
art
 in
communities
 more than in
school
 The upcoming paragraphs will analyze two factors that contribute to
this
 affirmation, as well as my personal opinion.
Firstly
, The
number
 of
people
 in
communities
 is much more than the
number
 of
people
 in
school
 if the government support it in
communities
 many
people
 will take benefit more than supporting it in
school
.
Secondly
, there are diverse
people
 in
communities
, different gender, different age, and different cultures than in
school
. In conclusion, I disagree if the government spend money on promoting
sport
 and
art
 in
school
, rather than supporting professional
sport
 and
art
 because the
number
 of
people
 in
communities
 is much more than the
number
 of
people
 in
school
 and there are diverse
people
 in
communities
 more than in
school
.
Submitted by kimfairyxq on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: