IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

more and more young people use internet to socialize .do you think it is a negative trend or positive trend?

#people #internet #trend
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I believe that the increasing number of young
people
Use synonyms
 who are using
internet
Add an article
the internet
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 as a means of communication and socializing with their peers is detrimental to their psychological and physical health. Nowadays, young
people
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 use social media platforms like Facebook, Instagram and Zoom to interact with their friends and families. As a matter of fact, the celebration of special
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
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 is virtually celebrated through Facebook live and as
Linking Words
such
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,such
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 no personal touch is being observed. They cannot see the real emotions of the person. When young
people
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 cannot use the internet, they are prone to develop depression because they cannot express their feelings.
In addition
Linking Words
, young
people
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 can be deceived by their peers in using the web because they don’t know them personally. The quality of a conversation using social media is awful because
people
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 cannot sense the emotion or enthusiasm
from
Change preposition
of
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 the other person. It makes them
to
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apply
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wonder if they actually mean what they say. Young
people
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 are spending so much time online that they do not always understand the feeling,
emotion
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emotions
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 and/or
character
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characters
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 of the person they are talking to.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, young
people
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 are prone to develop obesity because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of activity.
Their
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All
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all time
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all-time
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 is devoted online using
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social media. They do not have the time to exercise as they are concentrated
in
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on
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 socializing
via
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apply
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online with their friends. In conclusion, I am of the view that online socialization is not advisable for young
people
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 as they need to personally in contact with their friends and family especially in celebrating special events and
face to face
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face-to-face
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 interaction should be done.
Submitted by joseth_cabanos on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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