Today, many young people spend too much of their free time at shopping malls. This can be considered negative for young people and society generally. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

It is true that many teenagers nowadays spend too much of their leisure
time
in shopping
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
.
However
, I disagree with the
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
idea that it may be potentially harmful to young
people
and
society
as a whole. In
this
essay, I will explore the subject and share why I disagree with the statement mentioned above.
Although
some
people
agree that shopping in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
spare
time
for youngsters can negatively affect both youths and
society
,
To begin
with, in my humble opinion, shopping can be beneficial to juveniles.
For instance
, after they are back from school or university, they should have
time
to rewind themselves by shopping, etc.
Because nowadays
Correct word choice
Nowadays
show examples
,
people
tend to increase their stress levels every day, and
by reducing
Change preposition
to reduce
show examples
that, shopping at a shopping mall would be one of the best places for them.
Moreover
, especially for adolescents,
this
can
also
be a
time
to try to organise their own finances.
Secondly
, every young person must already know what should be bought in order to get the most benefits from it and whether it is worth their
parents
' or their own money. Even though some individuals claim that shopping for youngsters in their spare
time
can
also
have a negative impact on
society
, I completely disagree with the notion.
Firstly
, if a group of young
people
were always treated by their
parents
all the
time
,
such
as buying everything for them or never letting them know how finances work, that would be challenging for them in the
upcoming
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
future.
As a result
,
parents
should teach their
children
(or
children
) how to shop properly. Because,
for instance
, in Switzerland,
people
there don't tend to buy inexpensive but bad-quality goods. They teach their
people
to buy things that are affordable and
also
stay in the long term. Another significant benefit of shopping for
tennagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
is that they may realize the worth of money given to them by their
parents
or themselves. In conclusion, some argue that buying things for
children
in their spare
time
has a negative social impact.
However
,
this
essay disagrees that it could be harmful to young
people
and
society
in general.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
issue can be solved by educating kids (or
children
) to have proper shopping skills.
Submitted by Blue Hydrangea on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the main points and examples are more effectively supported and developed to strengthen the essay's argument.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of ideas to create a clearer and more cohesive structure, ensuring that each paragraph relates clearly to the overall argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: