IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays,
people
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 recognize
others
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 by seeing their name and fame in society
instead
Linking Words
 of being kind to everyone. At the same time, some citizens respect
people
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 by their values and trust towards them. In my opinion, Whoever the
people
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 are, we have to be kind to everyone
this
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 is the basic thing of living in society.
For instance
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,
people
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 who have a helping nature and kindness toward
others
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 have more beautiful personalities than those who feel proud by seeing their fame. To illustrate
this
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, we can say social status cannot buy happiness even though the public is happy by spending time with their loved ones and being helpful to
others
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 as they can.
Similarly
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, we can see the difference in children. Most adults prefer to be friends with a rich kid compared to a middle-class child
this
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 makes school-going
people
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 insecure about them, and they feel the same way about being like rich boys they force their parents to buy all the things that they have seen with their friends. In the same way, In present days, material possessions influence
people
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 by their appearance, which results in
people
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 losing themselves after seeing all these things and wanting to be like them. Most
people
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 are not showing their true personalities on social media for fear of how they are treated by
others
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. Being honest with themselves is more important than showing off in front of the public. I completely agree with the point, the true face of the
people
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 comes out by seeing their money and fame in the society. In the present world, no one is kind and helpful to natives. The loss of humanity and honesty is close to the
people
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.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position in a more structured way. Consider a thesis statement that outlines the main points of your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. Using more cohesive devices, such as linking words or phrases, can enhance clarity and coherence.
task achievement
You provided relatable examples to illustrate your points, particularly about social interactions among children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • social status
  • material possessions
  • old-fashioned values
  • honour
  • kindness
  • trust
  • empathy
  • media influence
  • self-worth
  • metrics of success
  • financial achievements
  • community contributions
  • superficial connections
  • emotional bonds
  • life satisfaction
  • stress and anxiety
  • policy changes
  • community programs
  • restoring balance
  • personal character
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