IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Both men and woman care more about their appearance today than they did in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Nowadays, personal image plays an important role for human beings.
Compare
Wrong verb form
Compared
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 to the
old-time
Correct your spelling
old times
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, individuals really
focus
Wrong verb form
focused
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 on their looks from the outside recently. I totally agree with
this
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 statement, I believe with the progress of society and the development of technology, people have changed their attitudes and consumption habits in buying fashionable goods.
This
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 essay will discuss the reasons why humans consider that appearance is more vital in present than before. First and foremost, thanks to the progress of society, there are more and more international chains for clothing popping out in the cities.
This
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 is more convenient for customers to know different brands around the world, recognize the latest fashions, and shop for the trendiest clothes of the season.
Besides
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, most of the shops offer standard purchaser services,
for instance
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, free shipping, free return, and
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also
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apply
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free delivery. Which is way more suitable than the past community.
As a result
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, citizens really spend a lot of money on their images.
Moreover
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,
due to
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 the development of technology, social media has become one of the elements of our lives. Users are keen on posting photos, selfies, or short videos on their own platforms day by day. They found of sharing their daily life, demonstrating their daily outfits, and proving to others how fancy their being is,
therefore
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,
this
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 is
also
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 how the word “OOTD” came from – an outfit of the day.
As a consequence
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, both males and females are used to compare
with
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apply
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each person and even ask themselves to illustrate different styles on each post. In conclusion, in
this
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 digital era, a respectable look is of greater significance and much more reachable the history.
Finally
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, the purpose of wearing clothes for a person is not only because of living but
also
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 to seek their own superiority of appearance.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing the ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that the ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task response
Address the specific question more directly and give a balanced argument with clear examples. Make sure to cover all aspects of the topic and provide a clear opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • social media platforms
  • beauty and personal care industry
  • societal norms
  • health and fitness
  • celebrity culture
  • technology advancements
  • cosmetic surgery
  • dermatology treatments
  • mental health awareness
  • self-esteem
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