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Band 4

Some believe that people today have no interest in maintaining the traditional culture of their country or region. Others believe that it is still important to people that we preserve a traditional way of life. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#believe #people #interest #culture #country #region #life
Recently, the debate on whether citizens should preserve their own
cultures
 has been heated. While some
people
 claim that traditional
cultures
 are not
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 owing to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalization,
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 argue that
countries's
Remove the s
countries'
show examples
 soft power can be enhanced by protecting the traditional living style. As far as I am concerned, it is crucial for
people
 to maintain the traditional
culture
.
To begin
 with, teenagers lose interest in traditional
culture
 by
globalizaiton
Correct your spelling
globalization
. As citizens are exposed to various types of
cultures
 owing to the widespread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
information, they may be attracted to exotic traditions and have less interest in their own
cultures
.
For example
, more
chinese
Change the capitalization
Chinese
show examples
 are celebrating Crisment rather than Chongyang
festable
Correct your spelling
festive
.
Therefore
, knowledge of
cultures
 may not
be expose
Change the verb form
be exposed
show examples
 to young adults easily once they are attracted
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other's
culture
Fix the agreement mistake
cultures
show examples
.
However
, preserving
traditional
Correct article usage
the traditional
show examples
 living
style
Fix the agreement mistake
styles
show examples
 can enhance
soft
Add an article
the soft
show examples
 power of countries. As traditional
cultures
 usually show the historical background of one region, young
people
 can learn to treasure their lives and society.
For instance
, by teaching the hardship of social revolution, teenagers might be
respect
Replace the word
respectful
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their society.
Therefore
, social cohesion can be enhanced and a more stable environment can be achieved. In
concluison
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
although
 globalization allows citizens
be
Add the particle
to be
show examples
 exposed to traditions from other countries reduce, it is necessary for
people
 to maintain
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
culture
 as it can stable the development of a country by
protecing
Correct your spelling
protecting
providing
 the social cohesion.
Submitted by hhhhelen.poon on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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