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Band 5

Many people think that more money will make them happier. How important is money for happiness?

#people #money #happiness
According to
 some
people
, the degree of happiness is directly related to the amount of
money
 someone has. A few reasons for the importance of
money
 will be discussed in
this
 essay. To start with, when the individual has more than enough wealth, his mind would be at peace because the sense of capability to accommodate his basic needs to himself and his family will leave him with no worries.
For example
, availability of food, payment of rent or any shelter and providing good clothes.
Thus
, a life is free of the stress that would disturb someone's mood.
Moreover
, the reaction to emergencies would
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
show examples
 by the amount of funds available. In fact, the decisions that
make
Wrong verb form
are made
show examples
 through hard times and the speed of the responses will
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
show examples
 as well. To illustrate, when someone needs health care in a short time, the choice of the best private hospital depends on the financial support present.
Hence
, more
money
 means
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
show examples
 life with no delay in any treatment required.
Finally
, the sense of helping other poor citizens
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 when salary
excessing
Verb problem
exceeds
show examples
 the normal limit for the reason that donation usually brings satisfaction because the donated person helped other
people
.
For instance
, charity to any orphanages or foundations.
This
, in turn, results in the unity of a community when rich residents
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 the struggles of the poor
people
.
To conclude
, more
money
 usually brings happiness
along with
 it because
people
 will be able to live a relaxed life, with better health and the sense to help others.
Submitted by Simsima161 on

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task response
Improve the clarity and relevance of examples to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance the organization of the essay by clearly stating the thesis in the introduction and summarizing the main points in the conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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