IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In some countries, it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

#countries #someone #job #age #development
Unlawful denial of employment for people in some nations is unacceptable and should be totally condemned. I agree completely with the following relevant points in
this
 current essay.
To begin
 with ,
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 is an occupation someone does to attain a living while
age
 is the number of years a person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 accomplished in life. denial of employment for some certain
age grades
Add a hyphen
age-grades
show examples
 can
predisposed
Change the verb form
predispose
show examples
 the individual to
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
lot
 of harm in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 an adult that goes in search of a job should be given an opportunity to
show case
Correct your spelling
showcase
show examples
 his or her talent to avoid frustration.
As a result
 of
this
 chance given to the individual, it will enable them to participate fully with their mind and
also
 achieve their goal.
However
, when an individual
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
has
attain
Change the form of the verb
attained
show examples
 a certain
age
 and prefers to take care of his or her needs, he or she should be encouraged rather than being denied
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the chance of showing the world what he
can
Correct word choice
or can
show examples
 achieve.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 a talented musician that was denied a job opportunity can lead to the end of his career.
As a result
 of
this
 denial from the
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 it will lead to emotional instability. In conclusion,
iam
Correct your spelling
I am
am
 of the opinion that countries should
endavour
Correct your spelling
endeavour
 to make available employment opportunities for individuals of different
age
 grades that are interested in doing the work and
also
 avoid discrimination
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
inorder
Correct your spelling
in order
show examples
 to prevent
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of harm it will cause to the individual and society

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: