IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs. For example the neighborhood or teaching to younger children. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programs #neighborhood #children
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
I
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 has been suggested that high schools
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
be involved with the community
services
Use synonyms
 by exerting it in programs.
However
Linking Words
, some schools and colleges had already added voluntary work for
students
Use synonyms
. I strongly support the idea and will illustrate
Linking Words
further
Correct pronoun usage
it further
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 essay
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 different examples. Apart from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education, there are numerous
skills
Use synonyms
 that a student needs to learn in his teenage.
For instance
Linking Words
, communication, managerial, and
time
Use synonyms
 management
skills
Use synonyms
. One can not just learn these
skills
Use synonyms
 being a part of community
services
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
use them in practical life. To elucidate, currently, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the youngsters waste their
time
Use synonyms
 by watching
Television
Fix capitalization
television
show examples
, using social networking sites and unnecessary
us
Correct your spelling
use
show examples
 if internet.
Therefore
Linking Words
, being
Add an article
a volunteer
show examples
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
 in
such
Linking Words
services
Use synonyms
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can utilize their
time
Use synonyms
 properly by learning from people, helping others and
consequently
Linking Words
implement
Wrong verb form
implementing
show examples
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 their
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
ow
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 lives as well. Moving on, once the youngsters are bound to perform work with charitable organizations, they will get an opportunity to think creatively in their other projects. Those
skills
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 create a great impression by mentioning
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their CVs.
Further
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 will get to know the value of money and spend wisely
instead
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
of in
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 extravagant way.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 has been strongly recommended by health
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. So, keeping the
students
Use synonyms
 busy in extracurricular activities makes them fit and energetic.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it could
also
Linking Words
 help them to restrain from unhealthy activities or ideas that can be dangerous to themselves and society.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in
humankind
Add a comma
,humankind
show examples
 there are
such
Linking Words
 persons exists who oppose
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the idea because they believe
students
Use synonyms
 should focus on their studies
instead
Linking Words
 of wasting
time
Use synonyms
 by joining community
services
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe
this
Linking Words
 would be
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 idea and soon would be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part of high
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
 or
colleges
Change the noun form
college
show examples
 programs.
Submitted by usman.javed on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: