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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Writing task 1 The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

Writing task 1 The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #diet #health #two #groups #students #features #comparisons
The two pie charts show data on five different diets which are fish, cereals,fruit,vegetables and food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content
while
 the table gives information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 general wellness and attendance at
classes
 of two categories of
students
 (
group
 A and
group
B
). It is measured in percentage.
Overall
, it is evident that
group
B
students
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 rate of consumption of food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor health and low attendance at
classes
while
group
 A
students
 attended
classes
 more.
To begin
,
group
 A
ingest
Change the verb form
ingests
show examples
 cereals of about 35% which is
also
 the same ratio of cereals in
group
B
. There is high consumption of food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content of approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
group
B
.
However
, 30% in
group
 A.
Group
 A
students
 eat 22% of vegetables
while
one
 in twenty in
group
B
. Moreso, Fish, fruit had the same ratio in
group
 A and
group
B
 of about
one
 in twenty,
although
, 8% of fruit in
group
 A.
Furthermore
, looking at the table,
group
 A has
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 poor health,
that is
, the case of overweight and illness in the
last
 year was about
one
 in ten and
one
 in twenty respectively.
Additionally
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 90% attended
classes
 in school.
In contrast
, 75% attended
classes
 and 20% of overweight
as well as
 12% of
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 in the past year in
group
B
.
Submitted by adedayoadesewa1 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, students, group, b, one with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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