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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts give information about the diet and general health of two groups of students. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The two pie charts show data on five different diets which are fish, cereals,fruit,vegetables and food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content
while
Linking Words
 the table gives information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 general wellness and attendance at
classes
Use synonyms
 of two categories of
students
Use synonyms
 (
group
Use synonyms
 A and
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
). It is measured in percentage.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
 rate of consumption of food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
poor health and low attendance at
classes
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
group
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 attended
classes
Use synonyms
 more.
To begin
Linking Words
,
group
Use synonyms
 A
ingest
Change the verb form
ingests
show examples
 cereals of about 35% which is
also
Linking Words
 the same ratio of cereals in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. There is high consumption of food with a
high fat
Add a hyphen
high-fat
show examples
 content of approximately
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, 30% in
group
Use synonyms
 A.
Group
Use synonyms
 A
students
Use synonyms
 eat 22% of vegetables
while
Linking Words
one
Use synonyms
 in twenty in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
. Moreso, Fish, fruit had the same ratio in
group
Use synonyms
 A and
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 of about
one
Use synonyms
 in twenty,
although
Linking Words
, 8% of fruit in
group
Use synonyms
 A.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, looking at the table,
group
Use synonyms
 A has
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
 rate
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 poor health,
that is
Linking Words
, the case of overweight and illness in the
last
Linking Words
 year was about
one
Use synonyms
 in ten and
one
Use synonyms
 in twenty respectively.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of them
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 90% attended
classes
Use synonyms
 in school.
In contrast
Linking Words
, 75% attended
classes
Use synonyms
 and 20% of overweight
as well as
Linking Words
 12% of
illness
Replace the word
ill
show examples
 in the past year in
group
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, students, group, b, one with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary patterns
  • nutritional intake
  • carbohydrates
  • proteins
  • fast food consumption
  • health indicators
  • diet quality
  • beverages
  • sugary drinks
  • health outcomes
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • fatigue
  • health maintenance
  • anomalies
  • trends
  • balance
  • comparison
  • correlation
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