IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for job. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

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There is
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increase
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an increase
the increase
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 in
migration
Correct article usage
the migration
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rate
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 whereby many
people
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 move from rural
areas
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 to urban
areas
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 for the sake of
Job
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 seeking.
At
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As
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 result of
this
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, there will be overpopulation and
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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crime
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rate
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 in the municipal
areas
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.
However
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, the government can provide
job
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 as well as effective security.
To begin
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 with, overpopulation is one of the effects that can occur. To make
this
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more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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clearer, when
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
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 of
people
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 vacate their base to the
city
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, there will be
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
an increase
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increase
Replace the word
increased
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rate
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 of
people
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 living in the
city
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 which leads to overcrowding.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is a particular
city
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 in Nigeria called Lagos which is located
in
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apply
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southwest
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the southwest
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of
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apply
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Nigeria, the
city
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 comprises
of
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apply
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many individuals because
if
Correct your spelling
of
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 its
job
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 opportunity
to
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for
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people
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.
However
Linking Words
, the
city
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 is known as
overcrowded
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the overcrowded
an overcrowded
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city
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 in Nigeria.
In addition
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,
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crime
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the crime
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rate
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 will
increase
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.
This
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 is because,
people
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 relocate to greener pastures in order to earn money but if they cannot get employment, they tend to involve in an illegal
act
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acts
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 so as to provide cash to feed themselves.
Furthermore
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, there are
plethora
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a plethora
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 of possible measures.
Firstly
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, the government should provide
job
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 opportunities for
people
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 living in countryside
areas
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.
This
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 means,
if
Correct word choice
that if
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 there is enough work that can shelter
for
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apply
show examples
their needs,
this
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 will reduce them relocating to
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city
Add an article
the city
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 for employment. It will as well prevent overcrowding in the urban area. Another measure is that
,
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apply
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 there should be
provision
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the provision
a provision
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 of enough security agencies in order to punish anyone who
involve
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involves
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 in
crime
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 which will
also
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 deter
people
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 from engaging in any illegal
act
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activity
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. In conclusion,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of
people
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 keep leaving their area for
better
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a better
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 standard of living especially to earn funds.
However
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,
this
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 can lead to overcrowding and
crime
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rate
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 which can
be combat
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be combated
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 by providing
job
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 opportunities for
people
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 and
employ
Wrong verb form
employing
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 more security agencies.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • overcrowding
  • public services
  • housing shortages
  • informal settlements
  • rural depopulation
  • agricultural production
  • local economies
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • waste management
  • green spaces
  • job market saturation
  • underemployment
  • infrastructure
  • public utilities
  • cultural heritage
  • traditional cultures
  • urban lifestyles
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