IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for job. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #cities #job #consequences #offer
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There is
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in
migration
Correct article usage
the migration
show examples
rate
 whereby many
people
 move from rural
areas
 to urban
areas
 for the sake of
Job
 seeking.
At
Change preposition
As
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of
this
, there will be overpopulation and
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
crime
rate
 in the municipal
areas
.
However
, the government can provide
job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 as well as effective security.
To begin
 with, overpopulation is one of the effects that can occur. To make
this
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
clearer, when
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
people
 vacate their base to the
city
, there will be
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
rate
 of
people
 living in the
city
 which leads to overcrowding.
For instance
, there is a particular
city
 in Nigeria called Lagos which is located
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
southwest
Add an article
the southwest
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Nigeria, the
city
 comprises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many individuals because
if
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 its
job
 opportunity
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
people
.
However
, the
city
 is known as
overcrowded
Add an article
the overcrowded
an overcrowded
show examples
city
 in Nigeria.
In addition
,
crime
Add an article
the crime
show examples
rate
 will
increase
.
This
 is because,
people
 relocate to greener pastures in order to earn money but if they cannot get employment, they tend to involve in an illegal
act
Fix the agreement mistake
acts
show examples
 so as to provide cash to feed themselves.
Furthermore
, there are
plethora
Add an article
a plethora
show examples
 of possible measures.
Firstly
, the government should provide
job
 opportunities for
people
 living in countryside
areas
.
This
 means,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 there is enough work that can shelter
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their needs,
this
 will reduce them relocating to
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 for employment. It will as well prevent overcrowding in the urban area. Another measure is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there should be
provision
Add an article
the provision
a provision
show examples
 of enough security agencies in order to punish anyone who
involve
Change the verb form
involves
show examples
 in
crime
 which will
also
 deter
people
 from engaging in any illegal
act
Replace the word
activity
show examples
. In conclusion,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 keep leaving their area for
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 standard of living especially to earn funds.
However
,
this
 can lead to overcrowding and
crime
rate
 which can
be combat
Change the verb form
be combated
show examples
 by providing
job
 opportunities for
people
 and
employ
Wrong verb form
employing
show examples
 more security agencies.
Submitted by adedayoadesewa1 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • overcrowding
  • public services
  • housing shortages
  • informal settlements
  • rural depopulation
  • agricultural production
  • local economies
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • waste management
  • green spaces
  • job market saturation
  • underemployment
  • infrastructure
  • public utilities
  • cultural heritage
  • traditional cultures
  • urban lifestyles
What to do next:
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