IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people claim that too much focus and resources have been spent to protect wild animals and birds. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #focus #resources #animals #birds
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Contrary to some people’s belief that
protection
Correct article usage
the protection
show examples
 of wildlife is overly hyped and funds are  spent irresponsibly on them,I differ
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 that opinion,as it  has still not been given the due consideration  evident from the ongoing  
extinction
  at an alarming rate.
Also
,
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 is crucial for  our planet and we all need to put effort into it.
Firstly
,if
preservation
Correct article usage
the preservation
show examples
 of wild flora and fauna was given high priority,the
extinction
 rate would have come down.But,every new  census seems to add a new species to the threatened or
extinction
 list. The inability to control the eternal disappearance of various living beings should be regretted.
For example
,in India a decade ago white tigers were included in the threatened list but, through diligent measures,they have been restored to normalcy but a recent survey showed the possible
extinction
 of rhinoceros,Since the  issue is only partially solved,it  only leads  to newer consequences.
Secondly
,spending a measurable amount and resources on  nature and  
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
 is necessary for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sustainable growth and development.As loss of these vital species would result in the disruption of
Correct article usage
the
show examples
biosphere thereby leading to adverse events in future,both sudden and gradual changes,ultimately making the earth uninhabitable.Recognising these probable issues,the authorities have turned their attention
towards
Change preposition
toward
show examples
 the grave situation.   To conclude,I applaud the governments  for attending to these environmental issues through various measures but at the same
time
Add a comma
,time
show examples
 it has to be given more focus because
apparently
Add a comma
,apparently
show examples
 the issue has not yet been under control.
Submitted by gokulraj on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wildlife conservation
  • ecosystem preservation
  • sustainable development
  • biodiversity
  • habitat destruction
  • ecological balance
  • ethical responsibility
  • economic benefits
  • endangered species
  • poaching
  • education and awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: