The crime rate among teenager has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons with this increase and suggest solutions.

In human developmental progress, adolescence is a tender age prone to either good or bad influences depending on their outside environment and conditions. In many
countries
Add a comma
,countries
show examples
it is evident that crimes committed by
teenagers
has
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have
show examples
increased sharply. Numerous reasons can be attributed to
this
problem.
However
, in my
opinion
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,opinion
show examples
poverty and lack of accessibility to
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
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education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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two of the main reasons for
this
phenomenon.
Therefore
, measures should be taken
towards
Change preposition
toward
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eliminating these two challenges in order to decrease the crime rate among
young
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the young
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generation.
For
instance
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,instance
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in Mongolia very high percentage
unemployed
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of unemployed
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people are not eligible for
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
show examples
scheme. If they stay unemployed for an extended period it is
then
faster for them to become
vulnurable
Correct your spelling
vulnerable
. One of the possible steps
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
can implement is to identify those children from these families and provide them with employment opportunities within the school environment.
This
will in turn help
teenagers
be of assistance to their parents/parent as well as stay in school without having to quit. Another way to solve the problem of inaccessibility to education is to set up a merit system where children from these vulnerable families can upgrade to specialized classes offered at school. In conclusion,
with
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apply
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the successful implementation of
above mentioned
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above-mentioned
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programs,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could potentially help reduce the risk
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
teenagers
becoming involved in criminal activities.
Moreover
, it will help governments to prevent crime and help
teenagers
become responsible productive citizens in their respective countries.
Submitted by btseren09 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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