IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some people believe that young people today are too dependent on technology such as computers, tablets, and cell phones. Others disagree and believe that technology is beneficial for young people's development. state your opinion

#people #technology #computers #tablets #cell #phones #development
If you ask me , in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
,opinion
show examples
 it helps us more than hurts. We are seeing the effects of
tecnological
Correct your spelling
technological
 advancement on our lives.
For example
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
weather , water, food, business, cars,trip and
anyother
Correct your spelling
any other
another
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 made our life better. I saw
amazing
Add an article
an amazing
the amazing
show examples
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 about
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 . one day we went to a restaurant and a robot brought
as
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 our food, it was very strange and
intresting
Correct your spelling
interesting
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think with the advancement of
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 we need less manpower. But in
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 way, advancement of
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 has
also
 caused a lot of damage,
such
 as today phones have become
samarter
Correct your spelling
smarter
 and we have entered the virtual age, and all ages use
this
 space and it hurts. Many people misuse
this
 space. But
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think if we use
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
 properly it will increase our work and quality of life. It will
also
 make it
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
easer
Correct your spelling
easier
show examples
 for us to do our work and in
general
Add a comma
,general
show examples
 it will have more advantages and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: