IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both sides of the arguments and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom #arguments
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Doing the parenting is one of the hardest jobs ever. In
this
Linking Words
 ,world few people say that they should have to keep eyes on their
children
Use synonyms
 whilst
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 think that they should provide more independency to their heir and I do not believe in the previous statement
also
Linking Words
 I will discuss both the points and explain with relevant examples. To commence with,
parents
Use synonyms
 must need to observe
children
Use synonyms
's activity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 their early growing age because in that particular time they can
mold
Change the spelling
mould
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
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 whatever shape
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want. That means, that if people should track their offspring's daily activity they can see in which direction their heir is going so if he or she is following a bad path
then
Linking Words
 you should stop them from doing that.
For example
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, a few months ago Bollywood superstar shah rukh khan's son Aryan khan got arrested in a drug case and he is very young. If shah rukh khan would
had
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to take care of him and taught him a good and valuable thing in his childhood may be Aryan would not do that.
This
Linking Words
 is completely fine and necessary to track
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 routine.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, People don't need to over
spurvise
Correct your spelling
supervise
service
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
. By doing that they are snatching away their child's privacy and end up getting horrible consequences.
Parents
Use synonyms
 should have to give freedom to their heir at some age.
Children
Use synonyms
 need independence because they need to explore things and grow themselves.
For example
Linking Words
, many Indian
parents
Use synonyms
 are putting lots of pressure for study and their future as well so sometimes if pupils would get fail they are afraid to go in front of their
parents
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 and take
Linking Words
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
steps
like
Change preposition
as
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 suicide. Give freedom to the
children
Use synonyms
 so they can grow brightly. To sum it up, giving freedom to the
children
Use synonyms
 is as important as supervising their activities.
Parents
Use synonyms
 have to change their behaviour with their child's age. Sometimes
children
Use synonyms
 want to say something to them but they can not share it with them because of their strict observation
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
give independence and simultaneously keep observing their activity so
children
Use synonyms
 will not go off-track.
Submitted by apurv971 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • supervise
  • ensure safety
  • teach values
  • discipline
  • guide learning
  • harmful content
  • bad influences
  • structured environment
  • foster independence
  • creativity
  • problem-solving skills
  • resilience
  • decision-making abilities
  • explore interests
  • personal development
  • balanced approach
  • set boundaries
  • make choices
  • accountability
  • real-world situations
  • consequences
What to do next:
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