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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more families have computers in their homes, and children spend a great deal of their time using their home computers. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinions.

#families #computers #homes #children #time #home #situation
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First
 of all, the number of individuals owning a computer is on the rise since laptops and desktops are getting cheaper day by day.
In addition
 to the need to use them at home and school.
Computers
 are becoming, gradually, a necessity rather than a luxury as
time
 goes by. In the past, children used to spend
time
 playing video games and chatting with strangers
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. But nowadays, they do their homework and educate themselves by browsing websites
such
 as Wikipedia. What's more, many teenagers make a living out of home
computers
 by selling merchandise on Amazon and eBay, or even posting videos and getting paid by advertisers on YouTube.
On the other hand
, children spending a great deal of their
time
 on
computers
 has many disadvantages. Parents do not know
who
Change the pronoun
whom
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 child is dealing with when they are using the computer.
Such
 as talking to strangers, especially adults, can be quite risky. Strangers might ask one's child to meet up somewhere without their parent's notice.
In addition
, spending a lot of
time
 alone on the computer could cause backbone pain and make your eyes dry from focusing
against
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the screen. Mentally speaking, spending most of your
time
 by yourself, may lead to depression and social anxiety. In conclusion, Parents must observe what their children do. Most people look after their kids in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
actual life, but not virtually.
Computers
, just like real life,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 pros and cons. Generally, the pros outweigh the cons if you use it right.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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