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Educating young people is naturally important, however some think government ought to invest more in education for adults in need. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #think #government #education #adults
In the new
world
Add a comma
,world
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 it is known that learning and academic
improvement
 bring
power
Add the particle
to power
show examples
. An increase in the academic ability of younger children is important. The federal
government
 should concentrate more on the younger population than the older citizens. In order to improve the academic standards, I am of the opinion that the federal
government
 should focus more on the younger generation, than making efforts to improve the academic
performance
 of the older citizens.
Teenagers
 are the leaders of tomorrow. Investing in the younger generation tends to promote the economic standard of the
country
 because they develop new technology that can promote the
country
.
However
, it is necessary for the
government
 to train
teenagers
 than older
adults
. It is said that the youths are the future of tomorrow. Both the
government
 and parents are encouraged to promote the academic background of
teenagers
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
instead
 of the
government
 paying attention to the
improvement
 of the older adult's academic
performance
, there should be other ways to focus on
teenagers
' training so that they will have the best education. Examples, training 60 years on
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 in school
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and giving them free education.
Then
 allowing the
teenagers
 to be uneducated. It is known that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
adults
 have shorter life to live than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers
. So it is important to train them while young. And for
teenagers
 to be great leaders tomorrow they need to be educated in order to meet the demands of the
country
. On
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,hand it is very important to train and improve the academic
performance
 of a child
then
 the
government
 makes efforts to improve the academic standard of older
adults
.
Which it
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is known that the learning abilities and capabilities have decreased over the years. It is known that in the new age are new things. I think that investments made in the lives of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenager will tend to increase the economy of the nation in the future.
For example
, when the youths are empowered through academic
improvement
 it enables them to make new investments and develop new technology.
This
improvement
 leads to the development of the economy of the
country
. In conclusion, I agree that it is more profitable to improve the academic
performance
 of
teenagers
 than that of older
adults
 in the present
country
.
This
 makes the
country
 have a brighter future and it
also
 proves the economic standard of the
country
.
Submitted by snazari2006 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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