IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Topic 2: These days many families move to other countries for work. Some people believe that the children in these families benefit from this move. However, others believe that it makes life more difficult for the children. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Economic instability in many nations has made some
families
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 relocate to other countries in search of greener pastures. A few people are of the opinion that immigrating is beneficial to
children
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while
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 others opine that it makes life difficult for them. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, migrating to developed nations will increase the financial status of
families
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 making them able to cater for all the needs of their kids. Financially stable
families
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 are able to send their
children
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 to the best schools, feed them with an adequate diet and ensure that they are healthy.
For Example
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, in the United Kingdom , the majority of the students in private schools are
children
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 of middle-class
families
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 because they have the ability to pay the expensive fees of
such
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 schools. Moreso, they are
more healthy
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healthier
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 compared to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
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 from low-class
families
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 because they are fed an adequate diet. Good education and health are of significant benefit to
children
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hence
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 relocation is beneficial to
children
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.
On the other hand
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,
children
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 as young individuals who are just starting to adapt to their environment might find it difficult to efficiently cope with the stress of adapting to a new environment,
learning
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and learning
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 a different language, culture and way of life which is totally different from where they are coming from.
This
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 is a significant challenge most
children
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 are faced with
as a result
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 of immigration.
For instance
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, a child who is not a native speaker of English , who finds himself in an English-speaking country will find it difficult to communicate with people, make new friends or even cope in his new school.
This
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 will pose an immeasurable threat to his self-esteem and his mental health will be traumatized for a long time. In conclusion, migrating to a new country in search of greener pastures is beneficial to
children
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 and it is
also
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 a challenge for them. In my opinion, parents should prepare their
children
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 psychologically before relocating and help them to adapt to the new environment,
this
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 will minimise the effect of relocation on a child and maximise the benefits.

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task achievement
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, work on fully developing each idea to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea and that all ideas are fully developed. This will improve your coherence.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, ensure that they are directly linked to the main argument you are making in that paragraph. This will strengthen your support for the points you make.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are all present and effectively organized.
task achievement
You have provided both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach and good understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples you provided are relevant and help illustrate your main points well.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument and offers a thoughtful opinion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Migration
  • Globalization
  • Opportunities
  • Diversity
  • Assimilation
  • Adaptability
  • Language acquisition
  • Education
  • Career prospects
  • Social connections
  • Isolation
  • Cultural identity
  • Support systems
  • Parental guidance
  • Ambiguous
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