IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people think that goverment is wasting money on arts and thag money could better spent else where to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #goverment #money #arts #thag
It is widely argued that
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 spends too
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 budgets on
unnescessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 parts
such
 as
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
. Some
people
 believe that money should be well managed to more important factors for life. In my opinion,I totally disagree with
this
statment
Correct your spelling
statement
 because
arts
 bring great benefits to all
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
To begin
 with,
arts
 are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
fascinating subjects that inspire
people
 to alter their practices.
In other words
,it
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
individuals to think
out
Change preposition
outside
show examples
 of the
boxes
Fix the agreement mistake
box
show examples
,so new trends are eventually developed. Music,
for example
,is another form of
arts
Fix the agreement mistake
art
show examples
 that should be supported by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
. As singers have tremendous effects on young generations,many
bahaviors
Correct your spelling
behaviours
 are imitated and transformed
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 social
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
show examples
.
Thus
,it is crucial for authorities to use
this artists
Change the determiner
this artist
these artists
show examples
 to promote the national campaigns.
Arts
,as the main
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
,is worth enough to invest
to
Change preposition
in to
show examples
 change
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 mindset.
In addition
,numerous forms of
arts
 facilitate the
enjoyement
Correct your spelling
enjoyment
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure activities. Paintings,as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 popular
hobbies
Fix the agreement mistake
hobby
show examples
,make
people
 more focused on what they do.
As a result
,they should be more concentrated on doing routine tasks.
Moreover
,
arts
 make
people
 relax and relieve daily stress.
Such
arts
 should be promoted by the authorities to encourage the appropriate way for relaxation.To support the art workers,it is vital to spend enough money for
operation
Add an article
the operation
an operation
show examples
.
Accordingly
,it is not exaggerated to claim that
arts
 are crucial for society in terms of mindset fulfilment. In conclusion,
although
arts
 are not
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 part of physical fitness,it is important for mental enrichment.
Therefore
,it should be well supported by the national authorities .
Submitted by paisarnsi182 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: