An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

#people #development

These days, many

people

especially youngsters

tent

Correct your spelling

tend

show examples

purchasing

Wrong verb form

purchase

show examples

many things by online shopping. I strongly believe that

this

way is more beneficial than other ways which related to saving time and

protect

Wrong verb form

protecting

show examples

our environment.

First

of all, tent

Change preposition

apply

show examples

purchasing online shopping

save

Correct subject-verb agreement

saves

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our time. At

this

moment, we are living with technology and our

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

is becoming

change

Wrong verb form

changing

show examples

and

Change the verb form

show examples

easier. There are many applications on our mobile

phone

Fix the agreement mistake

phones

show examples

and laptop which we can buy everything that we need.

For example

, we can compare and buy clothes, shoes or other things

with

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show examples

high quality that

are not existed

Change to the active voice

do not exist

have not existed

show examples

in our country from other countries or continents. Another reason, that I insist

Change preposition

show examples

buying from online shopping is

decrease

Add an article

a decrease

show examples

traffic

jam

Fix the agreement mistake

jams

show examples

crowded

Add an article

a crowded

the crowded

show examples

city

Fix the agreement mistake

cities

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. If many

people

trust

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online shopping, they do not go out

with

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show examples

taxi, bus,

own

Correct word choice

or own

show examples

car. So there are not many cars

Change preposition

show examples

the streets and highways, and we can protect our environments by do not make use of fuels.

However

, some

people

especially elderly

people

claim that online shopping has some disadvantages. They said that there are many fraudsters in online shopping.

Therefore

, they cannot trust it and buying

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

entertainment for them. To solve

this

problem, they can be buying from some stories

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

they bought something before. In conclusion, many youngsters

prefer

Add the particle

toprefer

show examples

stay home and search

something

Change preposition

for something

show examples

that they wanted and buy it quickly

hence

they save their time.

Moreover

, they protect our environment by staying home.

Although

some

people

cannot trust

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online shopping, I strongly assert that

use

Wrong verb form

using

show examples

online shopping is more helpful for our

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

life style

Correct your spelling

lifestyle

show examples

Submitted by fatemezand1990 on Mon Jun 20 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

instant gratification
rapid advancement
instant communication
online shopping
fast food delivery
social media platforms
immediate feedback
recognition and validation
efficiency
productivity
convenience
decreased patience
delayed gratification
realistic expectations
work ethic
unrealistic expectations
stress
dissatisfaction

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An increasing number of people are buying what they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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