IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation. Such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. othwrs argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #othwrs #situations
Nowadays, there are lots of good or bad situations in
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 life. One segment of
people
 thinks that accepting
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
Correct your spelling
situation
situations
situatuon
Correct your spelling
situation
 is better than
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 hard. While others reject
this
 notion that
people
 should work harder and do try again and again until they reach
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their goal
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 better situations. I strongly agree with the idea that working endlessly may improve
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
 rather than doing nothing. It is an undeniable truth that the worst situation like no satisfaction from
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 or less amount of money naturally leads to
stressful
Replace the word
stress
show examples
 and depression in life and
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 on family, they feel hopeless and children may have to suffer through no education or illiteracy. According to an article published in New York Times, 38.4%
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
 work as
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
labour under 18 years due to no money provided from
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
 for schooling in India. Trying to improve
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
 only leads to failure and failure
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 many things. There are many chances to be progressed in the future. There are many
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 businessmen or entrepreneurs who had many obstacles but somehow they tackle
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 over and over again and now they are on top of the world. To exemplify, many
people
 are not accepted in their subject field. So, youngsters nowadays
starts
Change the verb form
start
show examples
 doing job in other segment and there are more than 28% who are successful in
other field
Change the wording
another field
other fields
show examples
 which they even not chosen. To conclude, there are vast benefits to try over and over again until
poeple
Correct your spelling
people
 reached
at
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
their goal.
Submitted by dhruvp1166 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: