IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

some people think that humans can use animals in any way for their own benefits. others, however, believe that people should not use animals in the wrong way. discuss both this views and give your own opinion.

#people #humans #animals
It is argued that
animals
 can be misused by
humans
 for their own benefits while others think that
animals
 must not be mistreated.ln my opinion,
animals
 must be taken
care
 of at all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
times
time
mess
tmes
Correct your spelling
times
.
This
 essay will discuss the views and give reasons for my opinion.
Firstly
, mistreating
animals
 is a crime in most parts of the world and it is
also
 cruelty.
Animals
 are known to be human friendly but sometimes when they are mistreated they get violent and attack
humans
 , for
Correct your spelling
instance
intance
Correct your spelling
instance
, dogs are mostly domesticated but they do bite people in so many cases due to people's
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 towards them,
addition
Replace the word
add
show examples
 some cruel individuals do not even feed and
care
 for the
animals
 but misuse their abilities.
Secondly
,
although
 l believe that
animals
 need to be cared for , some
humans
 believe that
animals
 are to be used only for their
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
, they feel it is a waste of money and time to take
care
 of a non _human thing,
for example
, in some parts of the world a donkey is used for farming, and some other domestic work
hence
 it is not given food and
care
, the animal is expected to find its own food and water,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
 some of these donkeys are beaten during the process of farming whereby they get hurt . To sum up,
animals
 have feelings just like
humans
 so it is necessary for them to get love and
care
not
Add the particle
tonot
show examples
 be abused in the process
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 people's
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
.
Submitted by Kally199226 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: