IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

In many part of the world, it is common for one parent to stay and home and raise a newborn child while the other works full-time to earn money. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#part #world #parent #home #child #works #money
It has become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commonplace that
one
 of the
couple
Change to a plural noun
couples
show examples
stay
Fix the infinitive
to stay
show examples
 at home to bring up the
children
 while the other is the breadwinner of the family in many countries. In my point of view, I think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. On the
one
 hand, the
arrangment
Correct your spelling
arrangement
 might have an adverse impact on the relationship of the couple. While the
housewise
Correct your spelling
housewife
houses
 or househusband
does
Change the verb form
do
show examples
 chores or run errands, the other is busy with work and business appointment. The people and the things that they encounter during
daytime
Correct article usage
the daytime
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 completely different.
This
 leads to a decrease in the common topic.
For example
, they are likely to have less to communicate and share at the dinner table as they
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 less
relate
Wrong verb form
related
show examples
 to each other's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, or even there is no chance to interact if the working spouse has to work overtime.
As a result
, they feel distant from each other even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 live under the same roof.
On the other hand
, there are
serveral
Correct your spelling
several
 reasons that the
children
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 raised by their
parents
.
To begin
 with, it could be
Correct your spelling
beneficial
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the bonding between the parent and the
children
. If
one
 of the
parents
choose
Correct subject-verb agreement
chooses
show examples
 to stay at home and spend their time bringing up their
children
,the
children
 have the
tendencies
Fix the agreement mistake
tendency
show examples
 to have a closer relationship with them. At the same time, the
parents
 can witness the
children
's upbringing
such
 as the
first
 walk, the
first
 drawing and so on, which could give a sense of achievement and happiness
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
parents
.
Consequently
,
this
 leads to a family of harmony and love. In
conlusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, I think it is a
positve
Correct your spelling
positive
 change that
one
 of the
parents
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
raise the
children
 at home while the other works a full-time job to earn money
although
 it has a negative impact on the couple's relationship.
Submitted by jessegush on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: