IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

WRITING TASK 2 Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #levels #sugar #health #people
It is widely known that currently many food and drinks contain a high level of
sugar
 that can
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
health
 problems, some
people
 believe to tackle
this
 problem sugary products should be made more expensive. I totally understand
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 argument.
However
, I completely disagree because
to make
Change the verb form
making
show examples
people
 consume less
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
 isn't only about the
price
 but the
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
.
to encourage
Change the verb form
Encouraging
show examples
people
 to consume less
sugar
 by
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 the
price
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugary
product
 isn't
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 wise decision. The main problem is
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
 of their
health
 condition so they can reduce
the
Change the word
their
show examples
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of
sugar
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 when
people
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
show examples
 their
sugar
 blood rates they will be aware of the food ingredient of the
product
 and consume less
sugar
product
. Increasing the
price
 of
sugary
Add an article
the sugary
show examples
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 might be easy to implement but isn't
longer
Replace the word
long
show examples
 lasting if the
people
 still ignored their
health
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
. To summarize eating
sugar
 may increase someone's sense of fulfilment.
However
, consuming a lot of
sugar
 may harm your
health
 conditions. Encouraging
people
 to consume less is more than just a
price
 it
also
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
education
Change the article
the education
show examples
 to increase
self awareness
Add a hyphen
self-awareness
show examples
.
Submitted by miarosmia8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: