IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars, designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things and that is why divorce rates are so high and family bonds are not as strong anymore; our valve system is disintegrating. To what extent do you agree and disagree?

#society #goods #cars #designer #clothes #jewellery #divorce #rates #bonds #valve #system
Nowadays
people
 wanted to be
in
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on
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 top of their lives by
rising
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the rising
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 influence of society to maintain standards in nearby surroundings which encourages them to purchase expensive material goods.
On the other hand
, there are several disputes in families of the
people
 resulting
divorce
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in divorce
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 of
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the couple
a couple
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couple
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couples
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 and weakening family bonds which
is
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are
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 disintegrating the value system. I lean towards the agreement by emphasizing
on
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apply
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the key points with supportive examples. A few decades ago,
people
 were engraved
to
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with
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 the moral values
which
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 had
Correct your spelling
received
recieved
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received
 from their parents and were
also
 indulged in cultural activities. The children were concerned to look after their parents. With the advent of time,
life style
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lifestyle
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 of the
people
 changed which led
the
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to the
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 change in behaviour of the
people
 and long working hours increased the stress levels and tensions between
life-partners
Correct your spelling
life partners
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.
For instance
, one
of
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apply
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married
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the married
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seniors
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senior
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 has undergone the physiological medication his wife opted for an overseas job in pursuit of
good
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a good
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 salary.
However
, the loneliness tore the feelings apart and
long distance
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long-distance
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 relationship no longer stood for
long
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a long
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 time.
Secondly
, most of the young generation has a dream to work in
foriegn
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foreign
 country to earn
hefty
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a hefty
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 amount of money.
Consequently
, acquired lifestyle demands to draw the same amount leaving them to fall
in
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into
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 a trap of purchasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
expensive material
good
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goods
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such
 as fast cars, designer clothes and flashy jewellery which divert them from the main goal
goal
Remove the redundancy
apply
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of life.
For example
, one of my friends who pursued their
masters
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master's
masters'
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 education in
mechatronics
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the mechatronics
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 field is now started to gamble in the stock markets. In conclusion, I agree that our value system
in
Correct your spelling
is
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 disintegrated as
people
 began to detach from their family or
life-partners
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life partners
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 in pursuit of earning money which is harmful
in
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to
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 the growing society and for upcoming generations.
Submitted by lushennandanwar.ln on

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