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Band 5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people’s reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #computers #phones #effects #people’s #skills
The development of
newly
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new
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 innovative technology
help
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helps
show examples
 the lives of the people to make it easier. Several people believe that
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the burgeoning of computers and smartphones these days has a negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the abilities of the younger generation to write and read. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
line
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the above statement, I agree
on
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apply
show examples
that because of
children
 nowadays will
used
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use
show examples
 those technologies for entertainment rather than to
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 their
skills
 in writing and reading. To commence with, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
time
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the youngsters are attached to any social platform on the internet.
That is
 why most of the
time
 they will just
on
Add a missing verb
be on
show examples
 their mobile phones or computers to check the social media and to be updated
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the trend on the internet.
Consequently
, most of them will not choose to read books or write as a
lesuire
Correct your spelling
leisure
time
.
For instance
, during
this
time
 of
pandemic
Add an article
the pandemic
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, due to the lockdown all over the world, people are restrained
going
Change preposition
from going
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 outside.
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
children
are become
Change to the active voice
become
have become
show examples
 more engaged
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their gadgets.
Therefore
, they do not have
time
 to read and write their
Correct your spelling
assignments
assigments
Correct your spelling
assignments
 because they are entertained by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media.
Thus
, their capabilities to read and write are not improving because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of practice.
Secondly
, there are a variety of games that
children
 can choose in all the gadgets.
Hence
, all of their
time
 will be
waste
Wrong verb form
wasted
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games online. For that
reason
Add a comma
,reason
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 their abilities to enhance
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
skills
 to read and write will be affected as they do not have
time
 to
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 it. To sum up, the use of highly innovative technologies will be
hindrance
Add an article
a hindrance
show examples
 to them to expand their
skills
 in reading and writing because they use it for entertainment.
That is
 why moderation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 using these gadgets will help the future
children
 to have more
time
 to
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 their
skills
 to read and write.
Submitted by gaylee_23 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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