IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Medical procedures for cosmetic purposes should not be allowed. Do you agree or disagree

#procedures #purposes
The practice of some surgical procedures for aesthetic purposes should not be permitted.
This
 essay agrees with
this
 view, it will set out two examples of procedures performed for aesthetic reasons and poses threat to the lives of the people involved. In most hospitals now, there is increased patronage for Liposuction, as a lot of obese people want to reduce the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of fats in their body to
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
less obese ones. Liposuction is
surgical
Add an article
the surgical
show examples
 removal of fats from the body system including the abdomen, thigh and other parts of the body.
This
 procedure exposes them
dangers
Change preposition
to dangers
show examples
 during the procedure, after it and later in life. Most people are allergic to anaesthetic agents
hence
 resulting in difficulty recovering from the effect of anaesthesia used during liposuction. Others often develop complications after the surgery
such
 as kidney failure and liver failure which now become a great health challenge for them in future and
finally
 death. The
second
 procedure I have chosen to support my view is
breast
 enlargement.
This
 is the process of increasing the sizes of
breast
Add an article
the breast
show examples
 making
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 fuller and
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
bigger in shape.
Aside
Add the preposition
fromAside
show examples
 the exorbitant cost of performing
this
 surgery, it is
also
 dangerous to
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 of the individual by predisposing the
breast
 to mastitis,
breast
 cancer and other diseases associated with
mammary
Correct article usage
the mammary
show examples
 gland. It may
also
 damage the
breast
secretary
Correct your spelling
secretory
show examples
 cells, thereby
affection
Replace the word
affecting
show examples
secretion
Correct article usage
the secretion
show examples
 of milk and reducing breastfeeding practices in women of
child bearing
Correct your spelling
childbearing
show examples
 age. In conclusion, there is
a clear evidence
Remove the article
clear evidence
a piece of clear evidence
a shred of clear evidence
show examples
 to support the
Correct your spelling
argument
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that medical procedures for aesthetic reasons
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 harmful to health and should not be permitted in our society.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!